- Andrew Day.
You remember those days when you got excited when your phone rang or buzzed? or when a person you held in high regard pulled you aside to have a friendly word with you? or when you caught a glimpse of the person you would like to spend your entire life with and he/she would catch one of you in return; there wasn't any awkwardness behind that moment and it wasn't spoken about again despite the significance that instant contained, because I do and man, do I miss it. It wasn't as if I didn't do all the things I wanted to do, even in retrospect, I wouldn't change a single thing I did those days. It's just that to me, there wasn't enough time to fully appreciate what we had in terms of responsibility (or lack thereof) and it always seemed strange to me that there was this facade when it came to adults and what they incorporated into their being. The life I'm living now is pretty much how I pictured it would be when they were rambling about exactly how much bigger is the "bigger picture" is, and I suppose it was because they expected more of us; from me. They never thought there would be people who would strive for mediocrity and prefer a life where you could hear a feather touch the ground and any given moment, and I also suppose that had I aimed for greater heights, I would get a better idea of the "bigger picture" but I didn't, and I don't know if it's because I'm not capable; I feel like I am but that doesn't mean squat unless I actually tried, but the idea of trying terrifies me to a degree where I think it's better to stay where you know, where you're familiar, where you have control, and when I think about that, I wonder if this is what the teachers wanted for us. I see more reason in not striving for a life of happiness, rather in striving for a life where you're not sad, and I often wonder if this is wrong. I don't think any of us really grew up, we just weren't allowed to be kids anymore.
Hey there, Kevin. It's been a while. I'd apologize for the lack of content but you and I both know I'd be lying. I honestly don't know why I decided to post this but there must've been some significance if my gut was telling me to follow through and now here I am. On a blog that no one visits anymore with more on my mind than ever now that I've have something to dabble on with. I haven't been fired and Mumsies is going on that holiday we've been hoping for on the 25th for 4 weeks. We're excited for her excitement, as we should be. She gave us everything we own and then some, we aren't the piece of shit we could've been due to her efforts and I'm still making sure to put her happiness before my own because you're a dead set good cunt like that. I hope when you read this in the distant future that you've done everything you possibly could. You got a lot to make up for: your teenage angst, your pre-pubescent lying and all the money you wasted on stupid shit like hanging out with your friends, buying alcohol and weed to fit in with people who don't matter and the days you spent happy while she wasn't. I have this image of you that I hope becomes reality and pray you don't change your state of mind no matter what bullshit comes flying your way. Hang in there, and power on you proud asshole.
