Mama said.

"You alright, Sione? you seem... productive."
- Kevin Le.

He was productive yesterday, too. I only asked because it happened again today. I'm not saying he's usually unproductive but usually, he's unproductive as fuck, and he whines, moans, bitches and does all the other things every human being on Earth does when they're at work, you know, that place both they and their employer agreed that they'd be but still find it appropriate to act as if the world owes them a favor or some shit. Apparently, he got himself a girlfriend. It still amazes me how much a person can change when they're one of those people who rely and depend on those who depend on them; people like Dante, people who are constantly in a relationship as if they're trying really hard to prove their worth or find extreme comfort in knowing that there's someone waiting for them to finish whatever it is they're doing so they can be around one another. A meaningful purpose to their life. I hope he keeps going the direction he's heading and it is looking that way but I wouldn't bet anything I own on it. It's not like I don't have faith in him or anything, it's more like I don't care because it doesn't directly affect me and my family. I've had other's having an issue with that, something along the lines of "that's not what you should think" or something like that and I would totally argue back but the things is; I don't care about them either, so it usually ends up with me walking away, doing my job and them standing there, not doing their's and yet I'm the asshole. Just do what it is you have to do and go then go home, it's like, the easiest thing in the world. Drama is literally optional.

You know what would be hilarious? gay-aussie dirty talk. I've googled it and (if I'm honest) a little afraid to click on any of the video that pops up. Can you imagine it though? everything single line would be something like "aw yeah, cum in me eyeballs, Gazza and plug me arsehole with that tallie, mate." Bam, suddenly, I'm a subscriber to "Hard n' Heavy Blokes" with a notepad scribbling down every line of gold I come across.

Mama Said - Lukas Graham

Strobes Pt.2

"Back when I was a kid, Mum and Dad were both in prison...."
- Ryan Henderson. Despite the content of that quote, I don't think I've heard a more casual way to start a sentence.

You ever been in a really exhausted state, whether it'd be due to a run, workout or any other physical activity and some cunt that doesn't smell too fresh kinda just walks past you while you're breathing in and out really hard and you kinda just inhale that fucker's stench and it straight up ruins your day? yeah, nah. That shit is nasty, son. It's not even a harmless "smell" (if you want to be nice about it), this dude was literally emitting poison from himself, like yeah, I get that you've been doing some crazy and I even respect that but shit, where is the line, man? where's that point where you figure "I should probably stop passively killing people around me and go home" or something? Maybe they don't realize it and so I thought I was doing this dude a favor by saying "you got a dead rodent in your pocket or something, mate?" but he must've realized he didn't smell too flash because that was not a reaction you would have if you didn't know you smelt like an infested zoo in the desert, so he stayed around; as if to prove a point. I'll never understand that socially-agreed upon set of mannerisms people seem to have.

So Andy is better than me in rhythm games now. That might not sound like a big deal but rhythm games were one of the few things I prided myself on, well, I say rhythm games but I really mean "Stepmania" He's not a great deal better than me, but the difference is certainly noticeable. I've been in a mini-emotional breakdown since this discovery and it's starting to affect how I see Andy as a human being. Put bluntly; he's a piece of shit to me and I hope he breaks his fingers in some freak Stepmania incident, that bastard. As sad as this sounds, this just might be one of the most significant changes in my life in the last 2-3 years.

Strobes Pt.2 - Lamaitre

This life.

"you become a totally different person when you clock off, Kevin."

- Sekadarra Laurensen

I'm starting to think my 2 year break from this blog wasn't such a bad idea. Every so often, I would binge read past posts and it dawned on me that those posts were more about the people around me rather than what it was meant to be about: me. I'd bring up work and the people there, how I interacted with them and how they interacted with me, but really, none of that matters and no one really cares about that stuff, not even me, so it confused me as to why so much of the content back then was about shit that was more insignificant than the things that didn't matter. Maybe it was just my way of fattening up this sorry excuse of a blog, I guess I figured that if it had some variety, I could somehow deter the thoughts of those who read it but it's hard to get an answer from yourself 2 years ago, I discovered.

When I sign in to work, I do things with the most care and consideration I've ever done things before. I will plan out the most effective route and apply the most necessary man power to each task and do things better than anyone else is capable but when I sign out, I've been told that everything they saw before hand has been tossed out of the window :L My opinions become more brash and I say things that are on my mind with no further thought of possible repercussions. I didn't used to be like that. I remember it so clearly how optimistic I was in terms of working and helping others, even after I've been told to go home, that was how I ended up in the warehouse in the first place, I just got good at doing the shit no one else wanted to do, but the workplace has jaded me a little; a lot even. It's a lot safer to assume that there isn't one single decent human being with average morals and basic motor skills around you. It was the reason I stepped down from the manager position. It honestly amazes me how there are people who can trust other people whole-heartedly with a task despite knowing that their fuck up means your ass but I suppose it's only right that positions with high rewards only come with high risks, it's a shame that I can't bare to lose anything I have now, even if it means that I could accomplish my goals faster if I stuck my head out a little, but you know what they say "The nail that sticks out the most, gets hammered first." at least, that's how I see it.

 This Life - Denzel Curry

Tongues.

"I'll see you when I look at you."
- Kevin Le

You know, it's never been "see you later" or "see you soon" or anything like that anymore, this sort of farewell is the most accurate. There's no pressure or promise made and even though it's one of the more heartless farewells, it's the most preferable, to me anyway.

Sometime in gap when I stopped blogging til now, there was a time when I was invited to a spit roast. I remember it so clearly because the only thing that stood out to me was how much I was looking forward to it, I mean, I can't imagine anyone who would bother to go to a spit roast and not look forward to the actual spit roast but at the same time, a person like that wouldn't surprise me, there seem to be a lot of people that I can't make sense of. The entire event was revolved around the roast. It was a small gathering, maybe 10 or 12 people, half of which I've never met. It didn't matter how nice they seemed, what mattered was the roast, afterall, it was the only reason I even left the house. I must've waited 2 hours when I arrived an hour after the roast was meant to be ready. As childish as this seems, I got extremely annoyed and left due to my impatience. I know I didn't leave a very good impression but it's rare that I ever do. The host attempted to apologize but then I threatened to punch him right in his over-promising, unprepared, stupid face and then he let me go. It's insane how you expect the bare minimum to nothing and you're still disappointed. I remembered how he tried to make amends the day after and I shot him down faster than a coloured guy in the 1800's. Can't be disappointed if you don't give them a chance.

Sorry, I got a little side-tracked with this story.

The main point of this post was how I ended up in possession of this hair clip belonging to Squishy that night and ever since then, I've been meaning to give it back to her, putting it in my pocket everytime I walked around Inala doing my rounds of crappy Inala food and coffee. I can't even remember how long ago it was. I woke up this morning to do a removal for a nice, old lady over at Brassall. She didn't have many belongings, most of which was already packed in boxes and ready to go. A 2 hour job and suddenly, I had the rest of the day to myself. I went to check up on Mumsies and even though it was also Bobby's day off, he's never away from her, I feel relieved knowing that even on his downtime, he'd rather be with Mumsies than say; gambling all the family's savings away and secretly marrying another woman overseas, plotting to sell the house to get enough funds to bring said-wife to Australia, effectively ruining every life involved. Fucking load off my shoulders.

The visit must've only been 10 minutes and then I set off again. While waiting at the traffic light, my attention was drawn to the hair clip and then I made my way to Denne's house. I was lucky to catch him while he was at home, I didn't want to hang on to anything that didn't belong to me any longer than I had to and so I took this chance to see if I still had the ability to hold a decent conversation with another human being without having the urge to beat them up with their own belongings and as it turns out; I can, but I suppose it depends on the person I'm having the conversation with.

We spoke about the things you'd expect to talk about to someone you haven't seen in years: Past mutual friends, relationships, careers, and how much has changed since the last time you met, as well as the amazing and dumb shit you've done, you know, the things that you'd think make a good story one day. I went home and he went to pick up Squishy, they even invited me to dinner tonight but I turned down their offer not because I didn't want to go, but because I think I've decided to stay away from people who aren't my family for the time being. It's hard to explain but I don't want to be in an area where I don't have full control of the situation. These past few years have really taken a toll on my way of thinking. I hope it's a phase as much as I hope it isn't.

Tongues (RAC remix) - Joywaves & Kopps

Love somebody.

"Stay away from him"
- Quite a few people, actually. Do I come across that way?

Yo, It's been awhile. A little over 2 years. I suppose a lot has happened in that time but it sure doesn't feel like it. I'll try to list them:

- I'm fucking 22
- I've stopped piano for the time being to make room for dat grind

- Fitness has lowered in priority and it shows

- Joseph's 7 year old daughter died from cancer

- I've become a lot more distant from the people I knew

- I'm more determined than ever to get this family out of the ghetto

- Still don't have a girlfriend :L mind you, it's not like I'm looking.

- Christina Grimmie is also dead

- I became the manager of my workplace and then stepped down because fuck responsibility

- Pretty much everyone who I've mentioned from work in my earlier posts has left

- I've become less tolerant to people I care about and more tolerant to people I don't
- Beau married the love of his life and became a father despite being born 4 days before I was

- Family is still number one
- EDM isn't a thing for me anymore

- The grind is the realest thing I will ever know

That's just to name a few. I'm going to try and post more frequently but I'm not going to make any promises. I don't even know why I started again, to be honest. I've been so busy these past few years that it feels like I've just got the time to do something like blog about my life now. Generally speaking, I don't think much has changed but if you met me now and had a decent idea of what I was like before, then you'd probably disagree.

It's good to be back, even if it was just for a brief moment. I still look forward to reading this when it's all over.

Love Somebody - Ta-ku & Wafia

Your heart.

"uh yup, I'll take Kevy."

- Big Brad.

I swear, if I didn't know any better, I would say that Big Brad wants mah dick. He's one of those dudes that get preference since he's been in the business for so long. I didn't even know Steve took preferences into consideration but every chance Big Brad gets, he would take me along to do the sunshine coast run. I'm not complaining or anything, it's just that I get a little frustrated when I'm with the same dude that has nothing in common with me more often than sometimes. Hmm, maybe I am complaining but I don't think that's what bugs me. I think it's just being told that this job is a different experience every day and then coming in to the same shit just because someone who has been here longer than others decides it's okay to take the same dude to do the same shit. I don't know. I don't think I'm being unreasonable here but I suppose it comes with the job, aye? It just wouldn't bother me as bad if Steve didn't say anything in the first place instead of making false promises.

I think it's all these little ticks that distances me from many others. People make mistakes, I can get that but why would they do something like make a promise about something they have absolutely no power of? I think I might've just ruined myself for other people. I'll makes sure to limit who I make contact with, the last thing I want is another outburst of cold-hearted truth to someone who can't cop it well.

Your Heart (Michael Brun Remix) - Dirty South & Joe Gil

Your love.

"Where's your gym partner?"

- a lot of people as of late.

I really do enjoy those few hours to myself after work. It often comes as a surprise to me when I go to the gym. I get home, shower and realize how bored I get when there's nothing to do. When it's late, I can relax and do nothing until it's time to sleep but I get a little restless when it's 5:30 in the afternoon and before I realize it, gym has been a consistent part of my lifestyle. I feel a little out of place since it's just something I do to kill the time and not something I'm seriously pursuing but like with a lot of things, whenever I do something, I often get carried away.

I used to gym with Dante a lot, he'd have phases where he would gym seriously, stop, fight seriously, stop, and repeat. I just got used to doing what I was taught even when he wasn't around (which was most of the time at this point) and I guess it was strange for people to see me by myself when I've stuck to Dante like glue every other time.

My progress is slower now that I don't have a partner but that's not all that bad. There're still things you can learn even if you're alone and you start to appreciate the competent partners you've had til now. There's no one to interrupt you, no one constantly asking questions they could find out themselves and no one to constantly change weights for. It's a lot more...intimate. I think I need to ease up on this hobby :L

Your Love (Kevin Wild Remix)  -Morgan Page & The Outfield