Your heart.

"uh yup, I'll take Kevy."

- Big Brad.

I swear, if I didn't know any better, I would say that Big Brad wants mah dick. He's one of those dudes that get preference since he's been in the business for so long. I didn't even know Steve took preferences into consideration but every chance Big Brad gets, he would take me along to do the sunshine coast run. I'm not complaining or anything, it's just that I get a little frustrated when I'm with the same dude that has nothing in common with me more often than sometimes. Hmm, maybe I am complaining but I don't think that's what bugs me. I think it's just being told that this job is a different experience every day and then coming in to the same shit just because someone who has been here longer than others decides it's okay to take the same dude to do the same shit. I don't know. I don't think I'm being unreasonable here but I suppose it comes with the job, aye? It just wouldn't bother me as bad if Steve didn't say anything in the first place instead of making false promises.

I think it's all these little ticks that distances me from many others. People make mistakes, I can get that but why would they do something like make a promise about something they have absolutely no power of? I think I might've just ruined myself for other people. I'll makes sure to limit who I make contact with, the last thing I want is another outburst of cold-hearted truth to someone who can't cop it well.

Your Heart (Michael Brun Remix) - Dirty South & Joe Gil

Your love.

"Where's your gym partner?"

- a lot of people as of late.

I really do enjoy those few hours to myself after work. It often comes as a surprise to me when I go to the gym. I get home, shower and realize how bored I get when there's nothing to do. When it's late, I can relax and do nothing until it's time to sleep but I get a little restless when it's 5:30 in the afternoon and before I realize it, gym has been a consistent part of my lifestyle. I feel a little out of place since it's just something I do to kill the time and not something I'm seriously pursuing but like with a lot of things, whenever I do something, I often get carried away.

I used to gym with Dante a lot, he'd have phases where he would gym seriously, stop, fight seriously, stop, and repeat. I just got used to doing what I was taught even when he wasn't around (which was most of the time at this point) and I guess it was strange for people to see me by myself when I've stuck to Dante like glue every other time.

My progress is slower now that I don't have a partner but that's not all that bad. There're still things you can learn even if you're alone and you start to appreciate the competent partners you've had til now. There's no one to interrupt you, no one constantly asking questions they could find out themselves and no one to constantly change weights for. It's a lot more...intimate. I think I need to ease up on this hobby :L

Your Love (Kevin Wild Remix)  -Morgan Page & The Outfield

Ain't no reason.

"You are a bizarre, little boy, Kev baby."

- Tony Davenport. I finally bothered to ask for his last name!

I'm not that strange, am I? I've always thought the things I did in public was the norm. I know for a fact that the shit I do alone or with friends aren't exactly the things the next person would do but who isn't like that? Who doesn't alter their personality to conform to the expectations of modern society? as much as people say that they don't, they do. There's no way you would still be regarded as a human being if you behaved how you normally would outside but I suppose that all depends on how vast the two personalities are.

They've started to come in a little, I've always been open about pretty much everything the concerns me but they're starting to want to know more about me, which isn't something I'm opposed to, I'm just worried they might find something out that they didn't want to know. I think there's a certain period of time where people will ignore you and just let you work, and because most would give up before that time period is over, the moment you pass that threshold, they start to consider you as more of a team player, and it's almost impossible to avoid the situation where you try to get to know your team members due to the foreseeable time you'll know you'll eventually spend together. I told Tony about myself and shared my views and opinions of his questions and by the time my mouth had stopped moving, his was still. He looked dumbfounded as if he had just discovered a muffin in his pocket that didn't belong to him. He told me I was bizarre and we left it at that. I don't care for the opinions of others but I couldn't help wonder what he might've said had I stuck around a little longer. Like why am I bizarre and how he came to that conclusion but I left so that I could get my daily exercise in. Maybe I left because I know that there will be another occasion where we'll pick up where we left off so I didn't think about it all that much, either way though, the fact remains that I'm a weirdo amongst this group of weirdos, thus making me the alpha weirdo, I will be feared.

  Ain't No Reason - Brett Dennen

Ready for action.

"He's ugly as."
- MyVy Ngo, introducing me to her mother yet again.

I had this indescribable feeling all day, but if I were to give it a go, I would probably say it was a mixture of anxiousness, stress and heart-sink (I don't know if that's even a word) that took over me, so to go through a good 8 hours of that whilst keeping a customer face wasn't something I had done before and when I come to face something I have no clue about, I tend to react a little differently than how others would but, I managed to survive the day, shame it wasn't until the end of the day that I figured out why my day could've been a lot better than it was.

Today was MyVy's birthday. She's one of those people whose been around for as long as you could remember, and because of this, there are a couple of things that just stick; the date of her birth was one of them. I remember last year, fuck all celebrated her birthday so I figured it must've been because she intended to keep it secret and I respected that enough to play dumb and not do anything as well, that didn't sit well with me that night one year ago so I thought "fuck it" and crashed her house with a muffin and candles this year and that felt a lot better. I met her boyfriend as well, it was hard to picture her with a man since the whole time I've known her, she was never with one, she may of had one but I never saw her in the company of one, but maybe that was just because I was always dozing off in classes I wasn't even apart of. Introduced myself to this dude, had a small chat and gapped it. The last thing I want is to be in the way of something that doesn't involve me, I don't know, I've always felt that away around couples, pisses me off to be honest.

Happy birthday, MyVy. Hope you had a dope sinh nhat.

you dopey bastard :L

Ready For Action - Alvaro & Joey Dale

Skylight.

"Sharp, Kev."

- Stevie Reynolds

I think it's a Gatton thing to combine two words and make it sound natural. I also think it's a Gatton thing to say "I dare say" when stating a fact because no one I have ever met as ever had verbal ticks such as those. I know there's no such thing as a "Gatton thing" but a part of me wishes it to be true. There's something about light ignorance that makes it easier to behave like the person you are, like a natural reflex everyone has in common and because of that reflex, common ground is found and a bond is formed. This ignorance shows itself from time to time to provide laughter and good times even when the audience has such a variety of personalities and to me, there's beauty in that but I digress. I love drabbling on and on about random shit. It holds significance to me but to you, it might just be an arrangement of letters to fill in the blank spaces of white that's on your screen and I suppose it is but there's beauty in that, too.

Rocked up to work, fucked shit up, left, forgot my shit, went back, left again, showered, Jim, showered again, din din, slept, need to pee, went to pee, sleep. A day for champions.

Skylight - Rous & Stephanie Middleton 

Flames.

"If I lay here, if I just lay here..."
- Kevin Le, on the floor after an insane leg workout.

You'd think my lack of activity would inevitably lead me to be antisocial but even my very small to-do list comes with surprises. I woke up at 9, brushed my teeth and got ready for gym. It's always best to get these things out of the way as soon as possible, otherwise, that feeling of stress takes over your body followed by disappointment for a lengthy period of time, as if you've to imagine to begin to start an assignment that's due in the next 4 hours, that always sucked.

I did my thing which led to my hugging the ground in search for comfort because I destroyed my own legs moments before, after I was done singing and crying, a familiar face walked in and as I tried to function as if I had two perfectly working feet. I started and kept a conversation with a dude who I despised so much throughout my early high school life, just thinking about him makes me want go on a journey to find his house so that I can stab him with a box of tissues but I like to think I've grown past all that. He doesn't seem to remember all that shit that happened so there's nothing I can do. His name is Jacob Ha by the way. I didn't want you to think that I actually care about the privacy of other people, I do care, just not as much as the next person would. I'm feeling a little heated now. Fucking Jacob Ha.

Flames - Penguin Soup

Earth song.

"Where are you taking me?"

- Kevin Le, in an unexpected car ride with Dante and Isabel.

I ended up in Harbour Town. I don't think I've ever been there before but it sure felt like I have, probably went there as a child, you know, when family/family friends come over for a little holiday and suddenly it's expected of you to take them to all the landmarks, places like Dreamworld, Seaworld, Movieworld and all that jazz, Harbour Town felt like one of them.

I don't remember much, mainly the animal shelter, the candy shop and the Nike factory but I suppose that's enough. I don't know why I even bother going, seems like such a waste to bring someone who's so oblivious to his surroundings, I swear I must've gotten lost like, half a dozen times; looking back and forth for my acting parents whilst on the outside keeping composure but on the inside, I'm freaking out in the isle of discounted running shoes. It didn't feel good, it was fun but it felt like I was keeping them from doing them, the things they wanted. Even though they asked if I could come, it was more like a gesture of sympathy, I could be over thinking things, though. It makes little sense to me as to why they would ask if they weren't ready for what was coming when I said "yes" but then again, many things make little sense to me even though they're everywhere I look. Things are strange.

Not a bad way to spend my Sunday. Once I had gotten home, I starting wondering who should I hit up to be my weekly bum, and after an insane amount of contemplation (more like 4 minutes really, still a lot) it had dawned on me that I had already spent time with a person I usually don't spend time with; Isabel, and with that thought, the rest of the day was a complete bludge, knowing that I already bummed with my bum, the rest of the day felt somewhat flippant.

Earth Song - Michael Jackson

Drifting away.

"Did you get fatter?"

- Joseph Pham

Well yeah, I guess I have put on a few pounds over these last few weeks, I was actually happy to hear it come from someone's mouth, which is a strange thing to get worked up over but it's different if that's what you're going for, and even if it wasn't, I find it hard to be offended by an observation. There can't be anything wrong with stating a fact but that doesn't seem to be the case anywhere.

Oh man, I think I'm coming down with something. It's not often that I get sick but when it hits, bro, it hits like a fucking truck, it's always this time of the year, too. Hope it won't be as bad as the previous years, but that's what I always say. When it does happen, I always think to myself "this has got to be the worse yet" and I'll be damned if that wasn't the case at the time.

My body is starting to look the way I want it, it's about damn time, too. The amount of time I spent just figuring out what the fuck works is stupendously plentiful but now that I know what to do, it won't take as much time (I hope) but my image of physical idealism is about as secure as the wind and I won't know if I suddenly want a body like Scott Adkins or Phil Heath, or even FuriousPete but when I do decide, you can bet your ass I'm gonna get it.

Drifting Away - Housewell, Side B & Karl VanBurkleo

Hurricane.

"Oh man, the shit you Pete says, bro; you have no idea."
- Bob, and I don't. I really don't.

Bob's back, his shoulder is still fucked but he comes in every now and again. Can't say I'm glad he's back but at the same time, I can't complain. He should really get some rest but that nigga won't listen unless he's getting paid, saying that brought a comfort to me :L don't know why though.

Bob was saying something about Pete, how he often tells him about all the disgusting shit he's done, of course, the fact that he's done disgusting shit doesn't phase me, in fact, it would worry me if he hadn't done anything disgusting in his 50 years of existence. It was the fact that he told Bob about them. Whenever I'm in the truck with Pete, there isn't so much as a whimper let alone conversation. The sun rays in out eyes, the whistling of wind blowing through both of our windows as well has the constant grumble of the engine that resides in the moving weapon we're sitting in. It's kinda nice, I enjoy my company as much as he enjoys his but had me thinking about people's relationships with other people, you know, taking yourself completely out of the picture and just wonder how things click.

It sounds like a complaint but really, it's anything but. I just find it fascinating how things react when you put them in different conditions. Maybe this is a part the "growing up" I so urgently need to do.

Hurricane (Flatdisk Remix) - Orjan Nilsen & Christina Novelli