Thank you

"It's okay for you to dwell on your loss for now.

It's important to accept defeat as a defeat.

If a person had never experienced the emotional impact of defeat,

he neither learns how to stand back up after he falls nor how to move on.

So dwell as much as you like.

But when you're done, stand up and move."

Today was an old friend's 18th birthday celebration party although it wasn't really her 18th. I'll admit the moment just before I walked into the house, I was instantly reminded of why I was so reluctant at first to come to the party at all. The truth is that person played a much larger part of my life than I think she realizes, even now I can't tell if it was a change for the better or worse. The things she showed me, as unintentional as they seemed, left a detrimental mark on how I saw things and once I saw it, I cannot unsee it, even if I wanted to. I'd even go as far as to say she was one of the people I tried really hard to avoid, the illusion of a birthday celebration clouded my priorities, as they've always done all my life, the social standards of how people go about celebrating the day of a person's birth is to me, nothing particularly special but everyone else seems to see it differently and it's something I just learnt to go with.

This situation is probably what I'd consider as my first hurdle in life in a long time. As the night progressed, all the things she did to me, everything I wanted to avoid about her, completely vanished, or at least that is what I'd like to think, as of right now, I don't think I can hold anything against her like I used to, even if it wasn't a thought I showed openly, It was always there. I think I left that house as a person who is that much closer to contentment.

I've never saw it before but moving on is fucking hard, as vagina as that sounds, it really is but it'll be that much easier if you just take the initiative. I'll be sure to tell how I thought of her one of these days, it's not going to be pretty but I'd imagine if she somehow ended up here and found out that I was being "fake" to her this entire time, it's not going to be any better :L