"Moral support is the support of a lazy person." - Andrew Day.
I never know what to write when I start up one of these. I guess I should start by pointing out it's been a little over an entire year since my last post. Funny to think something I was so devoted to 6 years ago might now end up being an annual thing. I feel like I'll pick it up again but this blog has been a fleeting thought for so many years that I'd have to go out of my way to even remember this thing being here, let alone post anything on it.
I've read a few of my past posts and can name plenty of things that have changed, small things like; who I work with now as opposed to who I was working with then, and big things like the fact that Dante is 30 and Andy is 17, and how distant I've grown to people who I simply no longer care about and the effort I go through to not care about things or people. It's hard to comprehend how black and white the me now and the me 6 years ago are and it's becoming more and more apparent that this is the way things will be for a very long time, at least until everything is sorted, God knows when that'll be.
"I look after those who look after me." - Andrew Day.
You remember those days when you got excited when your phone rang or buzzed? or when a person you held in high regard pulled you aside to have a friendly word with you? or when you caught a glimpse of the person you would like to spend your entire life with and he/she would catch one of you in return; there wasn't any awkwardness behind that moment and it wasn't spoken about again despite the significance that instant contained, because I do and man, do I miss it. It wasn't as if I didn't do all the things I wanted to do, even in retrospect, I wouldn't change a single thing I did those days. It's just that to me, there wasn't enough time to fully appreciate what we had in terms of responsibility (or lack thereof) and it always seemed strange to me that there was this facade when it came to adults and what they incorporated into their being. The life I'm living now is pretty much how I pictured it would be when they were rambling about exactly how much bigger is the "bigger picture" is, and I suppose it was because they expected more of us; from me. They never thought there would be people who would strive for mediocrity and prefer a life where you could hear a feather touch the ground and any given moment, and I also suppose that had I aimed for greater heights, I would get a better idea of the "bigger picture" but I didn't, and I don't know if it's because I'm not capable; I feel like I am but that doesn't mean squat unless I actually tried, but the idea of trying terrifies me to a degree where I think it's better to stay where you know, where you're familiar, where you have control, and when I think about that, I wonder if this is what the teachers wanted for us. I see more reason in not striving for a life of happiness, rather in striving for a life where you're not sad, and I often wonder if this is wrong. I don't think any of us really grew up, we just weren't allowed to be kids anymore.
Hey there, Kevin. It's been a while. I'd apologize for the lack of content but you and I both know I'd be lying. I honestly don't know why I decided to post this but there must've been some significance if my gut was telling me to follow through and now here I am. On a blog that no one visits anymore with more on my mind than ever now that I've have something to dabble on with. I haven't been fired and Mumsies is going on that holiday we've been hoping for on the 25th for 4 weeks. We're excited for her excitement, as we should be. She gave us everything we own and then some, we aren't the piece of shit we could've been due to her efforts and I'm still making sure to put her happiness before my own because you're a dead set good cunt like that. I hope when you read this in the distant future that you've done everything you possibly could. You got a lot to make up for: your teenage angst, your pre-pubescent lying and all the money you wasted on stupid shit like hanging out with your friends, buying alcohol and weed to fit in with people who don't matter and the days you spent happy while she wasn't. I have this image of you that I hope becomes reality and pray you don't change your state of mind no matter what bullshit comes flying your way. Hang in there, and power on you proud asshole.
"I fucked up over the weekend, Kevy" - Ryan Henderson, as he proceeded to tell me what he did last night.
The guy came back from a night of hard partying and harder drugs came home and physically abused his younger brother in some drug-induced, irrational rage. He feels terrible for it but that didn't stop me from reminding him how much of a piece of shit he is for doing it though, but to be honest, maybe calling him "the scum of mankind" every 20 minutes for 8 hours is going a little overboard but if there's one thing I discovered; it's that instead of tattering between the lines of under and overboard, it's easier to take the jump and see exactly where that line is. Go over the line once and you'll never have to do it again, provided you don't want to.
I don't even know why he even told me. I mean yeah, I'm 2IC ("second in charge" for morons like me who only found out like 3 hours ago) but that doesn't mean that he has confide his personal feelings/problems to me. He doesn't ask anything about me so I just thought it was natural for me to not ask anything about him, even though I know he would tell me without a second thought and I, him.
I think I've made it very clear how involved I want to be with these people, which is not at all. There have been many attempts to get me into their little clique but shudder at the thought of it. Can you imagine being with people with no moral compass or conscious outside of work on any basis? It's not worth the trouble, even if it does mean I'd have a friend or two, and even though the "nothing is certain" I am absolutely certain that these people, the people I see almost everyday; are people you (I) do not want to be involved with.
I just want to do whatever it is I have to do, and then go home to my family. Who would've thought that would be so hard?
"You alright, Sione? you seem... productive." - Kevin Le.
He was productive yesterday, too. I only asked because it happened again today. I'm not saying he's usually unproductive but usually, he's unproductive as fuck, and he whines, moans, bitches and does all the other things every human being on Earth does when they're at work, you know, that place both they and their employer agreed that they'd be but still find it appropriate to act as if the world owes them a favor or some shit. Apparently, he got himself a girlfriend. It still amazes me how much a person can change when they're one of those people who rely and depend on those who depend on them; people like Dante, people who are constantly in a relationship as if they're trying really hard to prove their worth or find extreme comfort in knowing that there's someone waiting for them to finish whatever it is they're doing so they can be around one another. A meaningful purpose to their life. I hope he keeps going the direction he's heading and it is looking that way but I wouldn't bet anything I own on it. It's not like I don't have faith in him or anything, it's more like I don't care because it doesn't directly affect me and my family. I've had other's having an issue with that, something along the lines of "that's not what you should think" or something like that and I would totally argue back but the things is; I don't care about them either, so it usually ends up with me walking away, doing my job and them standing there, not doing their's and yet I'm the asshole. Just do what it is you have to do and go then go home, it's like, the easiest thing in the world. Drama is literally optional.
You know what would be hilarious? gay-aussie dirty talk. I've googled it and (if I'm honest) a little afraid to click on any of the video that pops up. Can you imagine it though? everything single line would be something like "aw yeah, cum in me eyeballs, Gazza and plug me arsehole with that tallie, mate." Bam, suddenly, I'm a subscriber to "Hard n' Heavy Blokes" with a notepad scribbling down every line of gold I come across.
"Back when I was a kid, Mum and Dad were both in prison...." - Ryan Henderson. Despite the content of that quote, I don't think I've heard a more casual way to start a sentence.
You ever been in a really exhausted state, whether it'd be due to a run, workout or any other physical activity and some cunt that doesn't smell too fresh kinda just walks past you while you're breathing in and out really hard and you kinda just inhale that fucker's stench and it straight up ruins your day? yeah, nah. That shit is nasty, son. It's not even a harmless "smell" (if you want to be nice about it), this dude was literally emitting poison from himself, like yeah, I get that you've been doing some crazy and I even respect that but shit, where is the line, man? where's that point where you figure "I should probably stop passively killing people around me and go home" or something? Maybe they don't realize it and so I thought I was doing this dude a favor by saying "you got a dead rodent in your pocket or something, mate?" but he must've realized he didn't smell too flash because that was not a reaction you would have if you didn't know you smelt like an infested zoo in the desert, so he stayed around; as if to prove a point. I'll never understand that socially-agreed upon set of mannerisms people seem to have.
So Andy is better than me in rhythm games now. That might not sound like a big deal but rhythm games were one of the few things I prided myself on, well, I say rhythm games but I really mean "Stepmania" He's not a great deal better than me, but the difference is certainly noticeable. I've been in a mini-emotional breakdown since this discovery and it's starting to affect how I see Andy as a human being. Put bluntly; he's a piece of shit to me and I hope he breaks his fingers in some freak Stepmania incident, that bastard. As sad as this sounds, this just might be one of the most significant changes in my life in the last 2-3 years.
"you become a totally different person when you clock off, Kevin."
- Sekadarra Laurensen
I'm starting to think my 2 year break from this blog wasn't such a bad idea. Every so often, I would binge read past posts and it dawned on me that those posts were more about the people around me rather than what it was meant to be about: me. I'd bring up work and the people there, how I interacted with them and how they interacted with me, but really, none of that matters and no one really cares about that stuff, not even me, so it confused me as to why so much of the content back then was about shit that was more insignificant than the things that didn't matter. Maybe it was just my way of fattening up this sorry excuse of a blog, I guess I figured that if it had some variety, I could somehow deter the thoughts of those who read it but it's hard to get an answer from yourself 2 years ago, I discovered.
When I sign in to work, I do things with the most care and consideration I've ever done things before. I will plan out the most effective route and apply the most necessary man power to each task and do things better than anyone else is capable but when I sign out, I've been told that everything they saw before hand has been tossed out of the window :L My opinions become more brash and I say things that are on my mind with no further thought of possible repercussions. I didn't used to be like that. I remember it so clearly how optimistic I was in terms of working and helping others, even after I've been told to go home, that was how I ended up in the warehouse in the first place, I just got good at doing the shit no one else wanted to do, but the workplace has jaded me a little; a lot even. It's a lot safer to assume that there isn't one single decent human being with average morals and basic motor skills around you. It was the reason I stepped down from the manager position. It honestly amazes me how there are people who can trust other people whole-heartedly with a task despite knowing that their fuck up means your ass but I suppose it's only right that positions with high rewards only come with high risks, it's a shame that I can't bare to lose anything I have now, even if it means that I could accomplish my goals faster if I stuck my head out a little, but you know what they say "The nail that sticks out the most, gets hammered first." at least, that's how I see it.
You know, it's never been "see you later" or "see you soon" or anything like that anymore, this sort of farewell is the most accurate. There's no pressure or promise made and even though it's one of the more heartless farewells, it's the most preferable, to me anyway.
Sometime in gap when I stopped blogging til now, there was a time when I was invited to a spit roast. I remember it so clearly because the only thing that stood out to me was how much I was looking forward to it, I mean, I can't imagine anyone who would bother to go to a spit roast and not look forward to the actual spit roast but at the same time, a person like that wouldn't surprise me, there seem to be a lot of people that I can't make sense of. The entire event was revolved around the roast. It was a small gathering, maybe 10 or 12 people, half of which I've never met. It didn't matter how nice they seemed, what mattered was the roast, afterall, it was the only reason I even left the house. I must've waited 2 hours when I arrived an hour after the roast was meant to be ready. As childish as this seems, I got extremely annoyed and left due to my impatience. I know I didn't leave a very good impression but it's rare that I ever do. The host attempted to apologize but then I threatened to punch him right in his over-promising, unprepared, stupid face and then he let me go. It's insane how you expect the bare minimum to nothing and you're still disappointed. I remembered how he tried to make amends the day after and I shot him down faster than a coloured guy in the 1800's. Can't be disappointed if you don't give them a chance.
Sorry, I got a little side-tracked with this story.
The main point of this post was how I ended up in possession of this hair clip belonging to Squishy that night and ever since then, I've been meaning to give it back to her, putting it in my pocket everytime I walked around Inala doing my rounds of crappy Inala food and coffee. I can't even remember how long ago it was. I woke up this morning to do a removal for a nice, old lady over at Brassall. She didn't have many belongings, most of which was already packed in boxes and ready to go. A 2 hour job and suddenly, I had the rest of the day to myself. I went to check up on Mumsies and even though it was also Bobby's day off, he's never away from her, I feel relieved knowing that even on his downtime, he'd rather be with Mumsies than say; gambling all the family's savings away and secretly marrying another woman overseas, plotting to sell the house to get enough funds to bring said-wife to Australia, effectively ruining every life involved. Fucking load off my shoulders.
The visit must've only been 10 minutes and then I set off again. While waiting at the traffic light, my attention was drawn to the hair clip and then I made my way to Denne's house. I was lucky to catch him while he was at home, I didn't want to hang on to anything that didn't belong to me any longer than I had to and so I took this chance to see if I still had the ability to hold a decent conversation with another human being without having the urge to beat them up with their own belongings and as it turns out; I can, but I suppose it depends on the person I'm having the conversation with.
We spoke about the things you'd expect to talk about to someone you haven't seen in years: Past mutual friends, relationships, careers, and how much has changed since the last time you met, as well as the amazing and dumb shit you've done, you know, the things that you'd think make a good story one day. I went home and he went to pick up Squishy, they even invited me to dinner tonight but I turned down their offer not because I didn't want to go, but because I think I've decided to stay away from people who aren't my family for the time being. It's hard to explain but I don't want to be in an area where I don't have full control of the situation. These past few years have really taken a toll on my way of thinking. I hope it's a phase as much as I hope it isn't.
"Stay away from him" - Quite a few people, actually. Do I come across that way?
Yo, It's been awhile. A little over 2 years. I suppose a lot has happened in that time but it sure doesn't feel like it. I'll try to list them:
- I'm fucking 22
- I've stopped piano for the time being to make room for dat grind
- Fitness has lowered in priority and it shows
- Joseph's 7 year old daughter died from cancer
- I've become a lot more distant from the people I knew
- I'm more determined than ever to get this family out of the ghetto
- Still don't have a girlfriend :L mind you, it's not like I'm looking.
- Christina Grimmie is also dead
- I became the manager of my workplace and then stepped down because fuck responsibility
- Pretty much everyone who I've mentioned from work in my earlier posts has left
- I've become less tolerant to people I care about and more tolerant to people I don't
- Beau married the love of his life and became a father despite being born 4 days before I was
- Family is still number one
- EDM isn't a thing for me anymore
- The grind is the realest thing I will ever know
That's just to name a few. I'm going to try and post more frequently but I'm not going to make any promises. I don't even know why I started again, to be honest. I've been so busy these past few years that it feels like I've just got the time to do something like blog about my life now. Generally speaking, I don't think much has changed but if you met me now and had a decent idea of what I was like before, then you'd probably disagree.
It's good to be back, even if it was just for a brief moment. I still look forward to reading this when it's all over.
I swear, if I didn't know any better, I would say that Big Brad wants mah dick. He's one of those dudes that get preference since he's been in the business for so long. I didn't even know Steve took preferences into consideration but every chance Big Brad gets, he would take me along to do the sunshine coast run. I'm not complaining or anything, it's just that I get a little frustrated when I'm with the same dude that has nothing in common with me more often than sometimes. Hmm, maybe I am complaining but I don't think that's what bugs me. I think it's just being told that this job is a different experience every day and then coming in to the same shit just because someone who has been here longer than others decides it's okay to take the same dude to do the same shit. I don't know. I don't think I'm being unreasonable here but I suppose it comes with the job, aye? It just wouldn't bother me as bad if Steve didn't say anything in the first place instead of making false promises.
I think it's all these little ticks that distances me from many others. People make mistakes, I can get that but why would they do something like make a promise about something they have absolutely no power of? I think I might've just ruined myself for other people. I'll makes sure to limit who I make contact with, the last thing I want is another outburst of cold-hearted truth to someone who can't cop it well.
Your Heart (Michael Brun Remix) - Dirty South & Joe Gil
I really do enjoy those few hours to myself after work. It often comes as a surprise to me when I go to the gym. I get home, shower and realize how bored I get when there's nothing to do. When it's late, I can relax and do nothing until it's time to sleep but I get a little restless when it's 5:30 in the afternoon and before I realize it, gym has been a consistent part of my lifestyle. I feel a little out of place since it's just something I do to kill the time and not something I'm seriously pursuing but like with a lot of things, whenever I do something, I often get carried away.
I used to gym with Dante a lot, he'd have phases where he would gym seriously, stop, fight seriously, stop, and repeat. I just got used to doing what I was taught even when he wasn't around (which was most of the time at this point) and I guess it was strange for people to see me by myself when I've stuck to Dante like glue every other time.
My progress is slower now that I don't have a partner but that's not all that bad. There're still things you can learn even if you're alone and you start to appreciate the competent partners you've had til now. There's no one to interrupt you, no one constantly asking questions they could find out themselves and no one to constantly change weights for. It's a lot more...intimate. I think I need to ease up on this hobby :L
Your Love (Kevin Wild Remix) -Morgan Page & The Outfield
- Tony Davenport. I finally bothered to ask for his last name!
I'm not that strange, am I? I've always thought the things I did in public was the norm. I know for a fact that the shit I do alone or with friends aren't exactly the things the next person would do but who isn't like that? Who doesn't alter their personality to conform to the expectations of modern society? as much as people say that they don't, they do. There's no way you would still be regarded as a human being if you behaved how you normally would outside but I suppose that all depends on how vast the two personalities are.
They've started to come in a little, I've always been open about pretty much everything the concerns me but they're starting to want to know more about me, which isn't something I'm opposed to, I'm just worried they might find something out that they didn't want to know. I think there's a certain period of time where people will ignore you and just let you work, and because most would give up before that time period is over, the moment you pass that threshold, they start to consider you as more of a team player, and it's almost impossible to avoid the situation where you try to get to know your team members due to the foreseeable time you'll know you'll eventually spend together. I told Tony about myself and shared my views and opinions of his questions and by the time my mouth had stopped moving, his was still. He looked dumbfounded as if he had just discovered a muffin in his pocket that didn't belong to him. He told me I was bizarre and we left it at that. I don't care for the opinions of others but I couldn't help wonder what he might've said had I stuck around a little longer. Like why am I bizarre and how he came to that conclusion but I left so that I could get my daily exercise in. Maybe I left because I know that there will be another occasion where we'll pick up where we left off so I didn't think about it all that much, either way though, the fact remains that I'm a weirdo amongst this group of weirdos, thus making me the alpha weirdo, I will be feared.
"He's ugly as." - MyVy Ngo, introducing me to her mother yet again.
I had this indescribable feeling all day, but if I were to give it a go, I would probably say it was a mixture of anxiousness, stress and heart-sink (I don't know if that's even a word) that took over me, so to go through a good 8 hours of that whilst keeping a customer face wasn't something I had done before and when I come to face something I have no clue about, I tend to react a little differently than how others would but, I managed to survive the day, shame it wasn't until the end of the day that I figured out why my day could've been a lot better than it was.
Today was MyVy's birthday. She's one of those people whose been around for as long as you could remember, and because of this, there are a couple of things that just stick; the date of her birth was one of them. I remember last year, fuck all celebrated her birthday so I figured it must've been because she intended to keep it secret and I respected that enough to play dumb and not do anything as well, that didn't sit well with me that night one year ago so I thought "fuck it" and crashed her house with a muffin and candles this year and that felt a lot better. I met her boyfriend as well, it was hard to picture her with a man since the whole time I've known her, she was never with one, she may of had one but I never saw her in the company of one, but maybe that was just because I was always dozing off in classes I wasn't even apart of. Introduced myself to this dude, had a small chat and gapped it. The last thing I want is to be in the way of something that doesn't involve me, I don't know, I've always felt that away around couples, pisses me off to be honest.
Happy birthday, MyVy. Hope you had a dope sinh nhat.
I think it's a Gatton thing to combine two words and make it sound natural. I also think it's a Gatton thing to say "I dare say" when stating a fact because no one I have ever met as ever had verbal ticks such as those. I know there's no such thing as a "Gatton thing" but a part of me wishes it to be true. There's something about light ignorance that makes it easier to behave like the person you are, like a natural reflex everyone has in common and because of that reflex, common ground is found and a bond is formed. This ignorance shows itself from time to time to provide laughter and good times even when the audience has such a variety of personalities and to me, there's beauty in that but I digress. I love drabbling on and on about random shit. It holds significance to me but to you, it might just be an arrangement of letters to fill in the blank spaces of white that's on your screen and I suppose it is but there's beauty in that, too.
Rocked up to work, fucked shit up, left, forgot my shit, went back, left again, showered, Jim, showered again, din din, slept, need to pee, went to pee, sleep. A day for champions.
"If I lay here, if I just lay here..." - Kevin Le, on the floor after an insane leg workout.
You'd think my lack of activity would inevitably lead me to be antisocial but even my very small to-do list comes with surprises. I woke up at 9, brushed my teeth and got ready for gym. It's always best to get these things out of the way as soon as possible, otherwise, that feeling of stress takes over your body followed by disappointment for a lengthy period of time, as if you've to imagine to begin to start an assignment that's due in the next 4 hours, that always sucked.
I did my thing which led to my hugging the ground in search for comfort because I destroyed my own legs moments before, after I was done singing and crying, a familiar face walked in and as I tried to function as if I had two perfectly working feet. I started and kept a conversation with a dude who I despised so much throughout my early high school life, just thinking about him makes me want go on a journey to find his house so that I can stab him with a box of tissues but I like to think I've grown past all that. He doesn't seem to remember all that shit that happened so there's nothing I can do. His name is Jacob Ha by the way. I didn't want you to think that I actually care about the privacy of other people, I do care, just not as much as the next person would. I'm feeling a little heated now. Fucking Jacob Ha.
- Kevin Le, in an unexpected car ride with Dante and Isabel.
I ended up in Harbour Town. I don't think I've ever been there before but it sure felt like I have, probably went there as a child, you know, when family/family friends come over for a little holiday and suddenly it's expected of you to take them to all the landmarks, places like Dreamworld, Seaworld, Movieworld and all that jazz, Harbour Town felt like one of them.
I don't remember much, mainly the animal shelter, the candy shop and the Nike factory but I suppose that's enough. I don't know why I even bother going, seems like such a waste to bring someone who's so oblivious to his surroundings, I swear I must've gotten lost like, half a dozen times; looking back and forth for my acting parents whilst on the outside keeping composure but on the inside, I'm freaking out in the isle of discounted running shoes. It didn't feel good, it was fun but it felt like I was keeping them from doing them, the things they wanted. Even though they asked if I could come, it was more like a gesture of sympathy, I could be over thinking things, though. It makes little sense to me as to why they would ask if they weren't ready for what was coming when I said "yes" but then again, many things make little sense to me even though they're everywhere I look. Things are strange.
Not a bad way to spend my Sunday. Once I had gotten home, I starting wondering who should I hit up to be my weekly bum, and after an insane amount of contemplation (more like 4 minutes really, still a lot) it had dawned on me that I had already spent time with a person I usually don't spend time with; Isabel, and with that thought, the rest of the day was a complete bludge, knowing that I already bummed with my bum, the rest of the day felt somewhat flippant.
Well yeah, I guess I have put on a few pounds over these last few weeks, I was actually happy to hear it come from someone's mouth, which is a strange thing to get worked up over but it's different if that's what you're going for, and even if it wasn't, I find it hard to be offended by an observation. There can't be anything wrong with stating a fact but that doesn't seem to be the case anywhere.
Oh man, I think I'm coming down with something. It's not often that I get sick but when it hits, bro, it hits like a fucking truck, it's always this time of the year, too. Hope it won't be as bad as the previous years, but that's what I always say. When it does happen, I always think to myself "this has got to be the worse yet" and I'll be damned if that wasn't the case at the time.
My body is starting to look the way I want it, it's about damn time, too. The amount of time I spent just figuring out what the fuck works is stupendously plentiful but now that I know what to do, it won't take as much time (I hope) but my image of physical idealism is about as secure as the wind and I won't know if I suddenly want a body like Scott Adkins or Phil Heath, or even FuriousPete but when I do decide, you can bet your ass I'm gonna get it.
Drifting Away - Housewell, Side B & Karl VanBurkleo
"Oh man, the shit you Pete says, bro; you have no idea." - Bob, and I don't. I really don't.
Bob's back, his shoulder is still fucked but he comes in every now and again. Can't say I'm glad he's back but at the same time, I can't complain. He should really get some rest but that nigga won't listen unless he's getting paid, saying that brought a comfort to me :L don't know why though.
Bob was saying something about Pete, how he often tells him about all the disgusting shit he's done, of course, the fact that he's done disgusting shit doesn't phase me, in fact, it would worry me if he hadn't done anything disgusting in his 50 years of existence. It was the fact that he told Bob about them. Whenever I'm in the truck with Pete, there isn't so much as a whimper let alone conversation. The sun rays in out eyes, the whistling of wind blowing through both of our windows as well has the constant grumble of the engine that resides in the moving weapon we're sitting in. It's kinda nice, I enjoy my company as much as he enjoys his but had me thinking about people's relationships with other people, you know, taking yourself completely out of the picture and just wonder how things click.
It sounds like a complaint but really, it's anything but. I just find it fascinating how things react when you put them in different conditions. Maybe this is a part the "growing up" I so urgently need to do.
Hurricane (Flatdisk Remix) - Orjan Nilsen & Christina Novelli
"You.... you keep tomato sauce in your bag at all times?" - Aaron Shaw
Well, yeah. I mean, fuck yeah I do. I shit you not, I can't even count the amount of occasions where some tomato sauce would've been more than welcome on our theoretical plate. Noticing this, I keep a large bottle of tomato sauce in my bag so that when ever we pop in a service station for a pie or some shit, I'm fucking ready. It's one of those things where people will criticise you but come around a moment later and quietly admit to themselves that it's actually a fantastic idea, only that they won't it to your face, but it's painfully obvious they're happy. Plus it's always good to see the sheer confusion on a person's face when you pull out a bottle of tomato sauce from a bag of unknown contents.
Been thinking a lot lately. I'm pretty sure when you start thinking about shit, the reason for that train of thought gets more and more vivid the longer you're left to your own devices until eventually the topic of thought doesn't even relate to what the reason of thought was, kinda like how you watch piano tutorials on YouTube and then somehow end up watching hours of people popping massive pimples on places where pimples aren't commonly found; gagging in front of the screen, hating yourself for watching and hating yourself more so for not being capable of stopping. I end up doing that like, twice a week. It's pretty gross.
Massive smack in the fact tonight. Parents are amazing, man. When they say shit, oh man, do they say some shit. It's mostly shit you had no idea about even though it's around like, all the time. Mumsie Le dropping knowledge like it was her last rep.
My day didn't consist of much. It was the usual "Hey, little asian" and "shut the fuck up, white boy(s)" went on a run with one of the guys, jumped over our randomly selected hurdle which came in the form in that of a cunty customer, ate some soft served ice cream and went home. It's almost a joke to call it "work" when you list the pros and cons :L
What stuck wasn't what happened throughout the day but what happened at night, you know, that time of day when I'm knackered from work, gym, talking and pretending to give a crap about people's problems because I'm paid to (which in hindsight; is really just work) I had a little chat to Mumsies after dinner and after my little uproar to her boss about his shitty parking and my rant about how you should always make way for people/cars to come and go even when you don't think there'll be company, she told me that even though she understands my point of view, my point of view is wrong. It wasn't what she said, it was how she said it. It's almost a weekly tradition to discover your faults as a human being but being told with such conviction and confidence was a whole other level of surrealism. She basically told me that my thoughtlessness isn't right and that I should change that part of me if I want the best of everything I can get my hands on. I've never been one for sudden change of character, if anyone else had told me this, I would've told them to go fuck themselves but this is your mother, man.
It ended up being a vent of frustration, not even pent up frustration, just anything that would set me off, shit like the lack of morals in people, girls, boys, dumbasses, liars; things that would set anyone off, really but I've yet to come to terms with that sort of stuff, and from what I learnt today, most people already have, I think that's why I need to grow up.
One In A Million (Paris Blohm Remix) - Andrew Rayel & Jonathan Mendelsohn
One In A Million - Andrew Rayel & Jonathan Mendelsohn
Ain't that a bitch? One of the first guys who taught me how to do my job is leaving after a good 3 years of working here. I'm saddened that my timing could not be any worse. We never really bonded aside from the occasional joke but there's something there, it's like an appreciation you wouldn't want to go away any time soon but it'll leave in a month or so. A month isn't even that long when you consider how monotonous a lifestyle can be, especially when it's almost a mission to avoid stress and drama.
I think people have stopped trying, well, they've stopped trying when it comes to people who they're not all that fond of. I hope to not lose any of the bonds I currently have. It's way too easy to disregard the happiness when something unfortunate happens and when it does, there's this illusion that makes you think company isn't welcomed, even when you've never even thought about making sure. I find myself frequently amazed at how easy it is to get what you want, I find myself frequently amazed at how often people ask themselves "what if" when what they want, isn't what they get. It's almost like a really bad but compelling sitcom that doesn't quite make it up the charts but high enough that the minority would recognise. I think I'm gonna keep trying.
