Your heart.

"uh yup, I'll take Kevy."

- Big Brad.

I swear, if I didn't know any better, I would say that Big Brad wants mah dick. He's one of those dudes that get preference since he's been in the business for so long. I didn't even know Steve took preferences into consideration but every chance Big Brad gets, he would take me along to do the sunshine coast run. I'm not complaining or anything, it's just that I get a little frustrated when I'm with the same dude that has nothing in common with me more often than sometimes. Hmm, maybe I am complaining but I don't think that's what bugs me. I think it's just being told that this job is a different experience every day and then coming in to the same shit just because someone who has been here longer than others decides it's okay to take the same dude to do the same shit. I don't know. I don't think I'm being unreasonable here but I suppose it comes with the job, aye? It just wouldn't bother me as bad if Steve didn't say anything in the first place instead of making false promises.

I think it's all these little ticks that distances me from many others. People make mistakes, I can get that but why would they do something like make a promise about something they have absolutely no power of? I think I might've just ruined myself for other people. I'll makes sure to limit who I make contact with, the last thing I want is another outburst of cold-hearted truth to someone who can't cop it well.

Your Heart (Michael Brun Remix) - Dirty South & Joe Gil

Your love.

"Where's your gym partner?"

- a lot of people as of late.

I really do enjoy those few hours to myself after work. It often comes as a surprise to me when I go to the gym. I get home, shower and realize how bored I get when there's nothing to do. When it's late, I can relax and do nothing until it's time to sleep but I get a little restless when it's 5:30 in the afternoon and before I realize it, gym has been a consistent part of my lifestyle. I feel a little out of place since it's just something I do to kill the time and not something I'm seriously pursuing but like with a lot of things, whenever I do something, I often get carried away.

I used to gym with Dante a lot, he'd have phases where he would gym seriously, stop, fight seriously, stop, and repeat. I just got used to doing what I was taught even when he wasn't around (which was most of the time at this point) and I guess it was strange for people to see me by myself when I've stuck to Dante like glue every other time.

My progress is slower now that I don't have a partner but that's not all that bad. There're still things you can learn even if you're alone and you start to appreciate the competent partners you've had til now. There's no one to interrupt you, no one constantly asking questions they could find out themselves and no one to constantly change weights for. It's a lot more...intimate. I think I need to ease up on this hobby :L

Your Love (Kevin Wild Remix)  -Morgan Page & The Outfield

Ain't no reason.

"You are a bizarre, little boy, Kev baby."

- Tony Davenport. I finally bothered to ask for his last name!

I'm not that strange, am I? I've always thought the things I did in public was the norm. I know for a fact that the shit I do alone or with friends aren't exactly the things the next person would do but who isn't like that? Who doesn't alter their personality to conform to the expectations of modern society? as much as people say that they don't, they do. There's no way you would still be regarded as a human being if you behaved how you normally would outside but I suppose that all depends on how vast the two personalities are.

They've started to come in a little, I've always been open about pretty much everything the concerns me but they're starting to want to know more about me, which isn't something I'm opposed to, I'm just worried they might find something out that they didn't want to know. I think there's a certain period of time where people will ignore you and just let you work, and because most would give up before that time period is over, the moment you pass that threshold, they start to consider you as more of a team player, and it's almost impossible to avoid the situation where you try to get to know your team members due to the foreseeable time you'll know you'll eventually spend together. I told Tony about myself and shared my views and opinions of his questions and by the time my mouth had stopped moving, his was still. He looked dumbfounded as if he had just discovered a muffin in his pocket that didn't belong to him. He told me I was bizarre and we left it at that. I don't care for the opinions of others but I couldn't help wonder what he might've said had I stuck around a little longer. Like why am I bizarre and how he came to that conclusion but I left so that I could get my daily exercise in. Maybe I left because I know that there will be another occasion where we'll pick up where we left off so I didn't think about it all that much, either way though, the fact remains that I'm a weirdo amongst this group of weirdos, thus making me the alpha weirdo, I will be feared.

  Ain't No Reason - Brett Dennen

Ready for action.

"He's ugly as."
- MyVy Ngo, introducing me to her mother yet again.

I had this indescribable feeling all day, but if I were to give it a go, I would probably say it was a mixture of anxiousness, stress and heart-sink (I don't know if that's even a word) that took over me, so to go through a good 8 hours of that whilst keeping a customer face wasn't something I had done before and when I come to face something I have no clue about, I tend to react a little differently than how others would but, I managed to survive the day, shame it wasn't until the end of the day that I figured out why my day could've been a lot better than it was.

Today was MyVy's birthday. She's one of those people whose been around for as long as you could remember, and because of this, there are a couple of things that just stick; the date of her birth was one of them. I remember last year, fuck all celebrated her birthday so I figured it must've been because she intended to keep it secret and I respected that enough to play dumb and not do anything as well, that didn't sit well with me that night one year ago so I thought "fuck it" and crashed her house with a muffin and candles this year and that felt a lot better. I met her boyfriend as well, it was hard to picture her with a man since the whole time I've known her, she was never with one, she may of had one but I never saw her in the company of one, but maybe that was just because I was always dozing off in classes I wasn't even apart of. Introduced myself to this dude, had a small chat and gapped it. The last thing I want is to be in the way of something that doesn't involve me, I don't know, I've always felt that away around couples, pisses me off to be honest.

Happy birthday, MyVy. Hope you had a dope sinh nhat.

you dopey bastard :L

Ready For Action - Alvaro & Joey Dale

Skylight.

"Sharp, Kev."

- Stevie Reynolds

I think it's a Gatton thing to combine two words and make it sound natural. I also think it's a Gatton thing to say "I dare say" when stating a fact because no one I have ever met as ever had verbal ticks such as those. I know there's no such thing as a "Gatton thing" but a part of me wishes it to be true. There's something about light ignorance that makes it easier to behave like the person you are, like a natural reflex everyone has in common and because of that reflex, common ground is found and a bond is formed. This ignorance shows itself from time to time to provide laughter and good times even when the audience has such a variety of personalities and to me, there's beauty in that but I digress. I love drabbling on and on about random shit. It holds significance to me but to you, it might just be an arrangement of letters to fill in the blank spaces of white that's on your screen and I suppose it is but there's beauty in that, too.

Rocked up to work, fucked shit up, left, forgot my shit, went back, left again, showered, Jim, showered again, din din, slept, need to pee, went to pee, sleep. A day for champions.

Skylight - Rous & Stephanie Middleton 

Flames.

"If I lay here, if I just lay here..."
- Kevin Le, on the floor after an insane leg workout.

You'd think my lack of activity would inevitably lead me to be antisocial but even my very small to-do list comes with surprises. I woke up at 9, brushed my teeth and got ready for gym. It's always best to get these things out of the way as soon as possible, otherwise, that feeling of stress takes over your body followed by disappointment for a lengthy period of time, as if you've to imagine to begin to start an assignment that's due in the next 4 hours, that always sucked.

I did my thing which led to my hugging the ground in search for comfort because I destroyed my own legs moments before, after I was done singing and crying, a familiar face walked in and as I tried to function as if I had two perfectly working feet. I started and kept a conversation with a dude who I despised so much throughout my early high school life, just thinking about him makes me want go on a journey to find his house so that I can stab him with a box of tissues but I like to think I've grown past all that. He doesn't seem to remember all that shit that happened so there's nothing I can do. His name is Jacob Ha by the way. I didn't want you to think that I actually care about the privacy of other people, I do care, just not as much as the next person would. I'm feeling a little heated now. Fucking Jacob Ha.

Flames - Penguin Soup

Earth song.

"Where are you taking me?"

- Kevin Le, in an unexpected car ride with Dante and Isabel.

I ended up in Harbour Town. I don't think I've ever been there before but it sure felt like I have, probably went there as a child, you know, when family/family friends come over for a little holiday and suddenly it's expected of you to take them to all the landmarks, places like Dreamworld, Seaworld, Movieworld and all that jazz, Harbour Town felt like one of them.

I don't remember much, mainly the animal shelter, the candy shop and the Nike factory but I suppose that's enough. I don't know why I even bother going, seems like such a waste to bring someone who's so oblivious to his surroundings, I swear I must've gotten lost like, half a dozen times; looking back and forth for my acting parents whilst on the outside keeping composure but on the inside, I'm freaking out in the isle of discounted running shoes. It didn't feel good, it was fun but it felt like I was keeping them from doing them, the things they wanted. Even though they asked if I could come, it was more like a gesture of sympathy, I could be over thinking things, though. It makes little sense to me as to why they would ask if they weren't ready for what was coming when I said "yes" but then again, many things make little sense to me even though they're everywhere I look. Things are strange.

Not a bad way to spend my Sunday. Once I had gotten home, I starting wondering who should I hit up to be my weekly bum, and after an insane amount of contemplation (more like 4 minutes really, still a lot) it had dawned on me that I had already spent time with a person I usually don't spend time with; Isabel, and with that thought, the rest of the day was a complete bludge, knowing that I already bummed with my bum, the rest of the day felt somewhat flippant.

Earth Song - Michael Jackson

Drifting away.

"Did you get fatter?"

- Joseph Pham

Well yeah, I guess I have put on a few pounds over these last few weeks, I was actually happy to hear it come from someone's mouth, which is a strange thing to get worked up over but it's different if that's what you're going for, and even if it wasn't, I find it hard to be offended by an observation. There can't be anything wrong with stating a fact but that doesn't seem to be the case anywhere.

Oh man, I think I'm coming down with something. It's not often that I get sick but when it hits, bro, it hits like a fucking truck, it's always this time of the year, too. Hope it won't be as bad as the previous years, but that's what I always say. When it does happen, I always think to myself "this has got to be the worse yet" and I'll be damned if that wasn't the case at the time.

My body is starting to look the way I want it, it's about damn time, too. The amount of time I spent just figuring out what the fuck works is stupendously plentiful but now that I know what to do, it won't take as much time (I hope) but my image of physical idealism is about as secure as the wind and I won't know if I suddenly want a body like Scott Adkins or Phil Heath, or even FuriousPete but when I do decide, you can bet your ass I'm gonna get it.

Drifting Away - Housewell, Side B & Karl VanBurkleo

Hurricane.

"Oh man, the shit you Pete says, bro; you have no idea."
- Bob, and I don't. I really don't.

Bob's back, his shoulder is still fucked but he comes in every now and again. Can't say I'm glad he's back but at the same time, I can't complain. He should really get some rest but that nigga won't listen unless he's getting paid, saying that brought a comfort to me :L don't know why though.

Bob was saying something about Pete, how he often tells him about all the disgusting shit he's done, of course, the fact that he's done disgusting shit doesn't phase me, in fact, it would worry me if he hadn't done anything disgusting in his 50 years of existence. It was the fact that he told Bob about them. Whenever I'm in the truck with Pete, there isn't so much as a whimper let alone conversation. The sun rays in out eyes, the whistling of wind blowing through both of our windows as well has the constant grumble of the engine that resides in the moving weapon we're sitting in. It's kinda nice, I enjoy my company as much as he enjoys his but had me thinking about people's relationships with other people, you know, taking yourself completely out of the picture and just wonder how things click.

It sounds like a complaint but really, it's anything but. I just find it fascinating how things react when you put them in different conditions. Maybe this is a part the "growing up" I so urgently need to do.

Hurricane (Flatdisk Remix) - Orjan Nilsen & Christina Novelli

Warm me up.

"You.... you keep tomato sauce in your bag at all times?"
- Aaron Shaw

Well, yeah. I mean, fuck yeah I do. I shit you not, I can't even count the amount of occasions where some tomato sauce would've been more than welcome on our theoretical plate. Noticing this, I keep a large bottle of tomato sauce in my bag so that when ever we pop in a service station for a pie or some shit, I'm fucking ready. It's one of those things where people will criticise you but come around a moment later and quietly admit to themselves that it's actually a fantastic idea, only that they won't it to your face, but it's painfully obvious they're happy. Plus it's always good to see the sheer confusion on a person's face when you pull out a bottle of tomato sauce from a bag of unknown contents.

Been thinking a lot lately. I'm pretty sure when you start thinking about shit, the reason for that train of thought gets more and more vivid the longer you're left to your own devices until eventually the topic of thought doesn't even relate to what the reason of thought was, kinda like how you watch piano tutorials on YouTube and then somehow end up watching hours of people popping massive pimples on places where pimples aren't commonly found; gagging in front of the screen, hating yourself for watching and hating yourself more so for not being capable of stopping. I end up doing that like, twice a week. It's pretty gross.

Warm Me Up - LeMarquis

One in a million.

"You need to grow up."

- Mumsies Le

Massive smack in the fact tonight. Parents are amazing, man. When they say shit, oh man, do they say some shit. It's mostly shit you had no idea about even though it's around like, all the time. Mumsie Le dropping knowledge like it was her last rep.

My day didn't consist of much. It was the usual "Hey, little asian" and "shut the fuck up, white boy(s)" went on a run with one of the guys, jumped over our randomly selected hurdle which came in the form in that of a cunty customer, ate some soft served ice cream and went home. It's almost a joke to call it "work" when you list the pros and cons :L

What stuck wasn't what happened throughout the day but what happened at night, you know, that time of day when I'm knackered from work, gym, talking and pretending to give a crap about people's problems because I'm paid to (which in hindsight; is really just work) I had a little chat to Mumsies after dinner and after my little uproar to her boss about his shitty parking and my rant about how you should always make way for people/cars to come and go even when you don't think there'll be company, she told me that even though she understands my point of view, my point of view is wrong. It wasn't what she said, it was how she said it. It's almost a weekly tradition to discover your faults as a human being but being told with such conviction and confidence was a whole other level of surrealism. She basically told me that my thoughtlessness isn't right and that I should change that part of me if I want the best of everything I can get my hands on. I've never been one for sudden change of character, if anyone else had told me this, I would've told them to go fuck themselves but this is your mother, man.

It ended up being a vent of frustration, not even pent up frustration, just anything that would set me off, shit like the lack of morals in people, girls, boys, dumbasses, liars; things that would set anyone off, really but I've yet to come to terms with that sort of stuff, and from what I learnt today, most people already have, I think that's why I need to grow up.

One In A Million (Paris Blohm Remix) - Andrew Rayel & Jonathan Mendelsohn

One In A Million - Andrew Rayel & Jonathan Mendelsohn

Love come undone.

"I'm leaving soon."
- Troy Reynolds.

Ain't that a bitch? One of the first guys who taught me how to do my job is leaving after a good 3 years of working here. I'm saddened that my timing could not be any worse. We never really bonded aside from the occasional joke but there's something there, it's like an appreciation you wouldn't want to go away any time soon but it'll leave in a month or so. A month isn't even that long when you consider how monotonous a lifestyle can be, especially when it's almost a mission to avoid stress and drama.

I think people have stopped trying, well, they've stopped trying when it comes to people who they're not all that fond of. I hope to not lose any of the bonds I currently have. It's way too easy to disregard the happiness when something unfortunate happens and when it does, there's this illusion that makes you think company isn't welcomed, even when you've never even thought about making sure. I find myself frequently amazed at how easy it is to get what you want, I find myself frequently amazed at how often people ask themselves  "what if"  when what they want, isn't what they get. It's almost like a really bad but compelling sitcom that doesn't quite make it up the charts but high enough that the minority would recognise. I think I'm gonna keep trying.

Love Come Undone - Julia Wu

Satellite.

"Why is there a bible in your room?"

- Dante Le. A fair question.

It wasn't always a bible, it was a biology textbook at one stage, of course, that was a very, very long time ago.

I used to work in retail at Skylark Street, "under-the-table work" if you will; and in that time, I met with a lot of people, people whom I saw on a weekly basis, the same people who would learn my name and I; their's. It didn't last long, a year and a half but in that time, I crossed paths with a nun, she was a very old nun who religiously spouted very nun-like things every time I saw her and each meeting would accompany less and less conversation, mainly because what I did was a job and not an excuse to socialise and I didn't want to deal with her shit any longer than I had to but she interpreted my behaviour as a result of a sort of crisis I was dealing with in my life. The next time I was blessed with her presence, she handed me a bible and gave me a hug, telling me that I was in her prayers for the rest of her life. I can't imagine how she would feel if I told her she's wasting her time so I didn't, I kept the thing and thanked her as she left. I still keep it to this day.

I can't bring myself to throw away a bible and it's hard to believe that I'm the only one, I can't bring myself to throw away anything that was given to me but there's really no place for a bible in my house hold so I kinda just place it underneath my subwoofer to dampen the rattling it makes on my desk. You know, I'm pretty sure I've already told this story on this blog before but not in as much detail. There's gonna be a lot of that I imagine, a lot of similar posts about the same shit on different days and I won't make an effort to change that because fuck going through everything I've already written to see if it's going to be the same as what I'm writing.

Hahaha, I can appreciate that though, appreciate the extra mile people go through because of religion, reminds me of Una :L but I'm sure I'll go through that another time, shit, I've probably already made a post about it before.

Satallite - Tritonal & Jonathan Mendelsohn

Purple skies.

"If I didn't have so much shit to do, I'd totally sleep right here and now."

- Kiet Nguyen, on my bed.

Got into the habit of waking up early despite it being a day off. I don't know, there's something about drinking coffee early morning when you don't have shit all to do that tickles me inside. It might have to do with the idea that waking up early would mean having more time to do nothing and that shit is the bomb.

Looked outside my window and saw Kiet's majestic face staring back at me, he mentioned something about something being cancelled and thus, his appearance but I didn't really care for that sort of shit, he came in and laid on my bed and kinda did what I picture him doing at home when no one is around (which surprisingly doesn't involve him touching himself, I've known this nigga for over a decade and I still have no evidence to prove that this dude is even human) We talked about whatever came up (which wasn't much) and kinda bummed around each other, it was pretty nice, reminds me of how I spend my days with Hoa if we ever happened to be at the same place, at the same time.

He left and so, I was left with the task of finding someone to bum with. I hit up Squishy and picked her up for coffee, it's amazing how people can just go along with some random impulses without so much as a second thought. Did a little shopping afterwards and then we inevitably made our way to Denne's house. I was there not too long ago but things are different when there are actual people in the house. I got to meet their new cat and get thrown down memory lane that was Denne's room. There's a lot I can say about his room but I think I'll leave that for another day but I will end this paragraph by saying Denne's room is shit and when you go there, prepared to be disappointed. Hahaha, I really don't give any fucks when it comes to my portraying my thoughts.

My weekly social activity ended with coital insinuation (more like a suggestion, really) which queued my leave. It's rare when there's a clear indication of when you should take your leave and to be honest, I much prefer that than the whole "maybe he'll get it if I stall a little" or "I don't want to be rude but I really want this motherfucker to get the fuck out" look that could mean so many other things.

Purple Skies - No Limits

Alpha and omega.

"Here ya go!"

-Stevie Reynolds, as he gave me his earphones, shit made me tear up a little.

Oh god, I can't remember the last time I felt as touched as I did today. I was noticeably a lot more depressed ever since my earphones broke and anyone with eyes could tell. I'm like an open picture book with no words when it comes to my emotional state, it's too much effort to put up a front so I don't do that because it looks tiring and to be honest, it amazes me as to why anyone else does it.

Hopped on the truck with Stevie, I expressed my feelings concerning my current situation and the nigga handed me his earphones saying I could keep it. If I had to guess what reciprocal love felt like, this would be it. Butterflies to the days.

I'm not the kind of dude that will go out and get what I need, I kinda just wait around until I stumble upon it for free, it's happened my entire life and it happened again today. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that I'm one lucky motherfucker.

Alpha & Omega - Sam Laxton

Am I wrong.

 

"Oi, check out my WindRunner score! MUAHAHAHAH"
- Dante Le, A genuinely proud Dante Le at that.

Been playing so much WindRunner, like, a lot of WindRunner, like, after I use all my lives, I actually wait and look at the timer go down til my next life and then I play one and wait again and this would go on for hours. It's such a stupid game, too but I'm so compelled to it. It's probably because it reminds me so much of MapleStory that I'm just drawn to it to a aesthetic level.

My earphones broke, too, so that sucks. I can already tell that this whole week is going to suck massive, hairy man-tits.

Am I Wrong (Gryffin Remix) - Nica & Vinz

What I need this time.

"... I'm going to start a car detailing business."
- Dante Le, like, out of fucking no where.

Listening to a lot of rap lately. Guess that's just what long drives do to you. I put my iPod on shuffle and listened to everything that came on for the next 5 hours. From old piano music to hip hop to electro, everything flooded back and before I knew it, I was rapping in the truck next to a 50 year old, bald dude who was dancing his heart out to the lyrics I was spitting. I love Pete :L that guy should be a national treasure.

I was asked to go eat out with this chick today. That chick has a boyfriend, don't get me wrong, I'm all for spending time with people but the rules change a bit when you or them have a partner, at least, that's how I see it. I think I might just be too cautious, I never really understood the ground rules when it came to people and relationships, I still don't but I suppose it's normal to feel the need to be reserved when you're with someone who might not appreciate the way you naturally behave in public. I've always hated thinking about how people felt, it's very uncharacteristic of me but I suppose it's just because I care to some extent, there's always way too many things to keep in mind when dealing with the opposite sex, especially when they've found themselves a keeper and that keeper isn't you. Ehhh, guess it's not going to happen, not tonight anyway.

What I Need This Time (Electric Joy Ride Remix) - Moiez & Alina Renae

Summer of love.

"You got a very, very long way to go."
- Mumsies Le, on dat deep shit.

Found out I got huge anger issues, like massive anger issues, at least, that's what Mumsie's tells me and I always make the mistake of not trusting her enough. It's been like that for years; she'd tell me to be careful or not to do something and I'd completely ignore her advice only to get my pee-hole raped by a million toothpicks. So, whenever she says something with a serious kind of malice, I really consider it and when she told me I'm a ignorant and angry little man, I believed her. I went off at her boss because of how inconsiderate he is and speaking my mind didn't lead me where I wanted to be.

I had a long discussion about who I was as a person and how similar we were and weren't. It's sad to be the most responsible and yet, the most emotionally underdeveloped person in the family, it really says something about the people I grew up around. Tears welled up in my eyes from the frustration and the sudden knowledge that I'm not as calm, aloof and collected as I thought I was and knowing I was frustrated further proved how wrong I was.

I like to think I can handle whatever is thrown at me but to go off at people just because they can't comprehend common courtesy doesn't float in Mumsie's book and by obligation, I should know that book inside and out and I don't think I've even gone as far as read the blurb on the back of the thing. I'm glad that's the only book I'm going to abide by, I can't imagine how much maturing it would take to please everyone.

Summer Of Love - Myon, Shane 54 & Kyler England

Miracles.

"Don't yell at me, I'm a bum now, remember?"
- Dante Le. He's milking the fuck out of his position at the moment.

Turns out, Dante was suspended for three days but because he only works on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday and his suspension started on Monday, the poor bastard didn't really get and extra time off but the way things are looking right now, I really doubt that'll take him back, I mean, he fucked up hard, I can only wish I was there to see his face when he realized he was out of a job while he was a work.

Dude, my iPod was out of batteries, and I was picked to do the coast run, dealing with Aspley and Maroochydore. It was an hour and a half to our first drop which means it would take that long to get home from our last drop, with 9 deliveries in between, I could already tell it was going to be a big day but nothing could've prepared me for the immense boredom that awaited me in that truck.

With music, I could go on endlessly despite having nothing to do but with no iPod and radio playing the whole way, I felt like I was about to wither away so I stuck my head out of the window and listened to everything else. I had a lot of time to myself today, was very alone with my thoughts, it's something I discovered that's very dangerous for me. I started to think and find out things I never wanted to know, specific things, like my love life (or lack thereof) and my preferences when it came to finding a significant other, all of which were things I never thought about because it wasn't worth the time. I found out a lot of other things, too, like how much I can't tolerate dumbasses and how rude and naive I really am. It's a lot to take in at once but at least there's a comfort in having a better understanding of your social limits. It's going to be difficult to make friends from this point on.

Miracles - Andrew Rayel & Christian Burns

Happy little pill.

"You guys haven't changed at all."

- Tiffany Dinh, while watching Dante and I pick out car fresheners in the reject shop.

Dante got sent home today :L the dumbass raced one of his friends on a warehouse picker and crashed into the racks pretty badly so now there's a pretty high chance the dude is out of a job. As sad as that is, I don't think I've laughed harder at anything in my life, ever.

I had nothing to do really, I went to Mumsie's house to pick up Betty's registration sticker and as I went back home wondering where was the best place to put this purple sticker of road permission, Dante came home with the biggest grin on his face. He told me what happened and proceeded to make light of the fact that his main source of income is practically demolished without any chances of coming back. I could never understand that dude, I like to think he's like me and he might be, I don't understand myself that well either but I don't think many people would come back with a smile from their last trip home from work but hey, I could be wrong.

Tiffany actually showed up, it shouldn't come across as a surprise since she said she would but I formed a habit of doubting everything anyone says even if they promised. It's a terrible thing to do but it works well. The three of us went out to eat and do a little shopping; chilling, basically and I swear to god, that chick hasn't changed a bit. It honestly felt like I was just with her during one of our school lunch breaks yesterday. There wasn't much to say despite not conversing for so long and it was kinda nice, reminded me of the good old days where responsibility wasn't even in my vocabulary.

We had coffee, talked about god knows what and went to our respective homes. I love my days off, this catching up with randoms thing is dope.

Happy, Little Pill - Troye Sivan

Moody echos.

"Tomorrow or Friday ?"

- Tiffany Dinh

"Ooooohhhh nigga, tomorrow is mah shit right dere."

- Kevin Le.

I love Sundays, I love waking up in the morning and hitting the gym when no one else is there. I love having a coffee afterwards and then sitting just outside of the coffeeshop, watching the people that go by as you listen to some new songs you downloaded the night before. And I also love how it opens me up to a bunch of shit I could do that I wouldn't do any other time because of time restraints and I also love how by the time I'm done with all that, I could go home and still make it back in time for lunch. As much as I love sleep, there was also that slight feeling of regret whenever I woke up at around mid-afternoon, feels like I wasted a completely perfect day, days that don't come by as often as they used to and so I'm trying to make it a habit to wake up before 8 even on my days off. Just feels like I could get at least something done without having the need to shoot myself in the genitals for being a complete waste of space.

I hit up Tiffany in hopes she would be my bum of the week, unfortunately she was busy but said she could drop by tomorrow afternoon which put a smile of my face, made me anxious even. The last time I saw her was at Hannah's birthday celebration October last year and things have changed since then, I wanted to tell her about all the shit I've been up to. She was like that childhood friend that you'd tell every minute thing to because that's all you've known your entire life but then I thought that it might not even be all that great, it might just be all those things you felt back at the time where your relationship hit a plateau and you're just fooling yourself in thinking that things could be back to the way they were. I thought about this and then I got a headache and that's pretty much where my train of thought had ended. A lot has changed though, I feel like that wouldn't be the case if we had still kept in touch but the fact that we didn't was what really made me believe that things have changed and will keep on changing. Can't say I love it but I also can't say that I'm a big fan of it either.

Moody Echos - Rhodz

Release you.

"You're right, Kevin. We're no family."
- Tony.

The working environment is full of lies that they know you'll figure out but hope you don't, well, mine is. I think the only reason people get miserable there is because of the things they're told that don't happen and the only reason they smile there is because of the unique combination of personalities. Some are incredibly easy to communicate with while others prefer silence, some are like an open book while some are easily misunderstood but no matter who you are or what you're like, no one can appreciate a liar, it's just when that liar is your main source of income is when you got to rise above your personal preferences but there are things you'd avoid when given the chance, even when you're on someone else's time.

Every time I work with someone, they don't want to answer the work phone that's given to each team and this struck me as a strange kind of "odd" How can you possible call any conglomerate of individuals a "family" when they don't even want to talk to the person who's responsible of the members of the first place ? but they still insist that that's what we are.

It's only at the end of the day that they start to accept how much of a family they're not but that's only because they're too tired to think differently. I'm starting to think that it's all an illusion they've built for themselves so that it gives a motive to work as hard as we do but in all honesty, it might just be easier to be upfront about everything, seems like a total waste of effort forcing things your way under the guise of "family" but I suppose this will sort itself out sometime in the near future. I can already see things falling apart and when it does, it's gonna be hilarious.

Release You - Tom Misch & Carmody

How you love me.

"What the fucking fuck happened to you?"
- Kevin Le. It was to a girl whom I had not seen in a long time.

It's rare to come home so early that by the time you get home, the sun is still up and birds and shit are still chirping. I took this time to go visit Mumsies at Skylark, nothing exciting happens there on the regular, every-so-often, you'd get your minimal amount of petty crime or a large crime, just in a small dose, like extreme racism or theft but at this point, I think chasing down bogans has become some sort of second nature to anyone who has spent even an hour in Skylark Street but holy shit, I digress.

I got to look after the counter while everyone else had stock matters to attend to. I got to serve this dude dressed in black and covered in piercings, it wasn't him who caught my eye, it was the girl who was with him that stole my attention. I'm pretty sure I mentioned her in my blog before. She was this sweet, adorable half-cast girl who would often hug me in the later years of high school, she went everywhere with her African friend who was as cute and adorable but when I saw her today, she was every way alike as her male companion and before I even scanned any of their items, the first thing to leave my mouth was "What the fucking fuck happened to you?" I never got an answer, she stood there, waiting for me to serve the person she was with and then scurried off the moment I was done.

I stood there baffled for countless moments. I asked Mumsies if she knew anything and apparently, that girl is easily influenced. I just can't believe how drastically she changed in the short amount of time I had not seen her. Everything from her appearance to her personality did a complete 180 degree turn and it confused me. I don't think I'm disappointed or anything, it's just amazing how fast this happened. I should get used to this kind of thing though, shouldn't I ? It's sad to say but I'm starting to wish I never saw her the way I did today, that high school image of her isn't going to leave my mind any time soon. It wasn't one of those light, pat hugs either, it was one of those lengthy, whole-hearted hugs you'd get from a relative you had not seen in years hug, sometimes, those hugs would make my day.

How You Love Me (Arston Remix) - 3LAU & Bright Lights

Boom clap.

"We're not a fucking family. Stop pretending we are. Families don't do this shit."

- Kevin Le

"I'm interested to know what you mean by that but we got work to do. Tell me later."

- Tony. I love it when priorities are in the right order.

I think I've become a little bit more expressive as of late but I'm starting to think that I'm only like that because I care, well, to some extent. I wouldn't have made an input if I were dealing with strangers so that leads me to think that there's some sort of spot in me for the people I work with, or for anyone I bother with in fact or am I only like that because it's important for an asshole to know that he (or she) is an asshole and I'm only telling them because I'm not sure anyone else already has. Maybe it's a little bit of both.

I got to spend a little time with Vi and Thy at the gym today. I was done and so were they and I kinda say down and threw topics about. We talked about gym, love, what we've been up to and all those other generic conversations you would have with people you've seen around and never really conversed with. I don't think I've ever held a discussion with either of those girls and talking now isn't normal but it doesn't feel strange. Hahaha, I remember how they got so offended when I told them we were never close and never spoke in high school. It was the truth but the way they reacted was as if we talked on the phone every night at one stage. But I noticed that it's a very female thing to do, you know, make relationships seem more than what they really are, it's something I find irritating, that probably explains why I have very few female friends that I wouldn't like to lose.

Boom, Clap - Charli XCX

Boom, Clap (Hannah Emerson Cover) - Charli XCX

Suncatcher.

"You ready?"

- Kevin Le

"I'm never ready."

- Stevie Reynolds. I ask out of habit and it's the same response every time.

Today was dope, man. Work was work but it was what I got to listen to at work that made my day. I was told the CD players don't work in some of the trucks but I took a few CDs from Betty on a whim and shazzam; we were listening to hip hop and doof doof for the next 7 hours and it was mad. Asshole-customers didn't even phase me because I knew they were only mad because they didn't get to listen to Elephante and J.Cole in the same truck ride like I did and it's not like me to tease someone of their misfortunes so I sat there and took it all with a grin on my face. Poor bastards.

I feel so much more motivated to gym ever since my little workshop with Kingsley. Been feeling some improvements following his advice. My bar bench has increased from 70 to 100 in a few days just because I tweaked my form a little bit and now my chest is bigger than ever and it's only going to go up from here. It's amazing what a few hours with someone who knows what they're doing can do to you, I think that just because it's someone you don't see much or know very well, makes it that much more believable and it's just the push you need to keep going.

Doing what I do for a living has it's perks. Got hit up by a mate to see if I could do anything for her family in regards to moving some of their shit around and just saying "holy shit, I can actually do something about that." makes me feel all warm and giddy inside. Ah, the perks of having access to trucks and shit is pretty damn cool. I've said it before in one of my previous posts, but it's nice to lend a hand when I can.

Suncatcher - Mario Ayuda & Tiff Lacey

I wanna dance with somebody.

"Goddamnit. This is gonna suck so much genitals."

- Kevin Le

I've never had really big hurdles in my life from year 11 onwards. I was kinda hoping my luck streak would never end but coming home to a letter in the mailbox saying that mumsies' got into a queue for surgery shat all over that dream. It's wonderful that she even got in but just knowing that there's a chance the surgery will fail and she might kick the bucket doesn't sit very well with me, I can't imagine that it will sit very well with anyone. There're a lot of 20 year olds that have lost their family, I was just hoping that I wouldn't have to be one of them. I like think I'm steeled myself for shit like this but there's no way I'll still be intact if anything happened. I can't even pray because that doesn't do anything. There are very little things that are worse than feeling helpless.

It's times like this, that I'm glad I started a blog. There might be so many things I can express through text but not through speech and I'm very interested to see what will come from these fingers in the future. Maybe I'll get to visually see my growth and find my flaws as a human being on this thing.

I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Julia Wu Cover) - Whitney Houston

Only love can hurt like this.

"Leave your ego at the door."
- Kingsley Shabay

Woke up and headed to ifeelgood gym in Oxley, you know, the one across the road from the train station? I made small talk with the personal trainers there whilst waiting for Kingsley to rock up, they said all sorts of shit to make me join but being as blunt as I am, I pretty much told them to fuck off and that I'm waiting for a mate. I don't think they like me :L

We focused on shoulders and traps today. I didn't gym for the last 3 days so that my body would be at it's top condition to endure what training Kingsley had to offer. He's a lot like me when it comes to the method of physical improvement, I haven't found anyone else who focuses on form as much as I do since Dante. I learnt a lot, like, heaps. He was throwing out all these technical terms and giving me tips on a minutely basis. I learnt how to be more stricter on my form and a few new exercises I can implement in my own personal training routines but the most important thing I learnt from Kingsley (or from anyone else who taught me fitness) was to leave my ego at the door when I walk in. It's a very simple piece of advice but it goes a long way. I think what he meant was that I should stay in my lane and not do anything just because I can, but do what you're comfortable with instead of what you struggle with. I kinda knew all of that already but to have it refreshed in you head by someone who physically looks so convincing is something I think everyone needs. I drove him home after a 2 hour session and said our farewells. Might not see the dude again for a few years, I'll be he can be proud of what I am when we do see each other again. 

I'm so glad I asked him if I could join him in one of his sessions, even if it was on a whim. There's a certain threshold of socialism that I need to reach every week. It wasn't important, but now I think it's hard to go on without it. It feels like a massive waste when you look at the clock late-evening on your day off and realized you could've done something or done nothing with someone, knowing that that person you've chosen to do something/nothing with is still okay and that that's not going to change anytime soon.

Only Love Can Hurt Like This - Paloma Faith

Nothin on my mind.

"Eenie, menie, miney, moe. Kingsley, aye?"
- Kevin Le, early morning.

When I started this "weekly bum" thing, I thought it wasn't going to last long because there are a very limited amount of people who I can willingly chill with but then I realized it doesn't have to be that way. There actually were quite a bit of people who I were on good terms with and if I could easily keep this up for a year or two. It's a shame that it took me a good month or two to come to this conclusion.

I opened up my Facebook friends list, closed my eyes and clicked. I landed on an old friend by the name of Kingsley Shabay. He kinda blew up after high school, which is something I can appreciate more than others. I'm always hesitant when to comes to talking to people I don't usually talk to (seems to be most people these days) but hey, if you don't ask, you'll never receive so, just a shot in the dark, I prompted a conversation with him and now, we're meeting up tomorrow to catch up over a gym session in Oxley. It amazes me how easy it is to get what you want, it amazes me even more when I see people who don't even attempt to go for the things they crave, it frustrates me more like.

I did what I always do on my day off. Drove to Inala to get something to eat early afternoon and who should I run into then David Nguyen. He had just came back from Sydney the day before and I took this chance to kick it with him a little. That "little" turned into quite a lot. I ended up driving him to his house where I chilled in his room. He told me the phoneshop he owned is closing for good and right there, ended a chapter of my life. So much of my high school hours were spent in that shop and knowing that it's gone now has left a small hole in my soul somewhere but I suppose this is something I should get used to. Not everything stays the same, and if it does, it doesn't for long. It was good to see him again though. He was one of the few I genuinely didn't mind hanging around but that was probably just because we rarely hung out and liked it that way.

Nothin On My Mind (Bearson Remix) - astronomyy 

Something right.

"I can see why you love him so much."

- Chelsea; Stevie's fiancée

Spent the day third-wheeling Stevie and Chelsea, or, if you look at it my way, I spent the day being third-wheeled by Chelsea, whatever works. I didn't know you could just bring someone along to a run if you felt like it, it's either that or someone has robbed Stevie of his last fuck because I've yet to see him give one out.

Got to officially meet and greet Chelsea after hearing so much about her. I've heard a lot about her but nothing has really stuck so seeing this mystical person face-to-face has given me the opportunity to understand these people more. Of course, if I had the choice, I probably would've never given them the chance but things are different when you're in the truck. It doesn't hurt to know more about your co-workers but most things are better left the way they are. I got to know Stevie's weaknesses, his priorities and his life at home. I basically got exposed to a side of Stevie I didn't even know existed.

I think my social skills have gone to the shitter :L the lack of social activity I get is started to affect my speech. My vocabulary is a lot more limited than what I remember and now no one knows if I'm pretending to be retarded or if I actually am retarded and to be honest, I don't blame them. I'm even starting to stutter :S wonder if there's something I can do about that.

 Something Right (Elephante Remix) - Lincoln Jesser

The light.

"I might have a thing for Aubrey Plaza."
- Kevin Le. Honestly, I don't know why everyone doesn't have a thing for her.

Pete's cool, even if the thing he said yesterday kinda left a really strong impression. I think about it a lot actually. It's weird enough to be getting along with someone who's more than twice my age but when shit gets real; it gets really real. It was the same as any other day I have with him. It amazes me how he can switch from one mode to the next so fluidly, it's almost a little scary. I can't even imagine the kinda of shit he would've experienced and yet he's here, lifting fridges n' shit with me to random ass places around Queensland, sometimes, further.

It's the same thing, man. Sometimes, it's the same conversations. I go home, shower, head to the gym and shower again, go to Mumsies' and have dinner at her house. As much as I dislike routine, there's something about family that makes you want to keep things the way they are. Maybe keeping them the way they are isn't the right way to put it. It makes you strive to make things better would probably be more correct. It's really the only thing you can fall on: family. It won't last long, but this thing is going to be savoured until the flavour is gone and when it goes; just like the food in your mouth, it's going to be the saddest thing when it's no longer there. I've got to prepare myself, when things are this good for this long, it usually means something terrible is about to happen. At my age, it could be anything.

 The Light - Disco Fries & Niko The Kid

Ill mind of Hopsin 7.

"I was engaged once. I asked the woman of my dreams to marry me, and then my grandfather passed away. I wasn't mature enough to deal with his death, I fell into alcoholism and drug abuse and then she left me, I didn't even care. I think I never really got to grow up and out of that experience being  only 20, I also think that's why you and I get along so well."

- Pete. Holy shit.

Not quite my idea of a good morning start. That quote was a lot to take in, especially when you're not quite sure it was the end of the world due to everyone hobbling and limping around like they're looking for their lost right leg in the early hours of the morning. I knew Pete wasn't like other 50 year olds but I never would've thought it was due to a experience like that. Death can really fuck a person up. It was jaw-dropping to just hear that and then watch him carry on as if he didn't just say something that could cripple the morale of a Chinese army. I felt like an asshole since the only things I could muster out of my mouth was "... That actually explains a lot."

That thought occupied my mind throughout the entire day. Just the sheer morality of it stunned my thoughts and made me think about things I would've never thought about. Shit like if I was prepared to lose someone dear to me, or if I could be calm and collected had I been in a similar situation. I like to think I can deal with that, that I can keep my composure and strengthen my priorities had the time called for it but I'm not so sure any more. There're are too many strong people who fell when there was too much to shoulder and it's too ignorant for me to think that I'm not like anyone else, even for me. I guess I'll just have to find out when it happens, it might be soon with the way things are looking right now. The last thing my family needs is a mental breakdown.

Ill Mind Of Hopsin 7 - Hopsin