Ahead of us.

"It's alright, Kev, we're all beautiful in the dark."

- Jeff

Woke up, got to work an was unexpectedly paired up with Jeff again. It's so weird for the truck to be so... active. When I'm with Pete, there's total silence, other than the rustling of the wind pushing against the truck frame. Not even the radio plays for that particular truck has none so when Jeff started conversation, I was at a total lost as to what to do or how to reply. I just got so used to staying quiet and listening to my iPod that I kinda forgot humans were humans. We talked about a lot of things, so much that my throat started to dry out, I don't think I've spoken to someone for that long in years, it's nice to talk about things that would creep out the average joe and just say whatever comes to mind, in this case, it was him trying to get over the fact that I'm still a virgin :L He was determined to change that, I think he still is, I'm a little bit worried, even I hope that I will one day find love and start a family. You know, reading back on that now, it sounds like he was gonna rape me but I can assure you that wasn't the case, in fact, if anything, I would be the one doing the raping, even if he's like 6ft tall. Work is much more enjoyable when there's something to talk about, not that work should be enjoyable in the first place but hey, I'll take what I can get.

Ever since Dante sold his rapevan, I've come into possession of his GPS, so that means that I can drive for hours on end and still end up at home if I have quarter of a brain but little did I know, Betty's cigarette lighter port has been out of commission for as long as I've known him (or her, whatever tickles you nipples) When I mentioned this to Jeff, he offered to fix 'er up for me and not even 10 minutes later, I got equipped with a working port and a GPS! it even has a green ring of light around it! THINGS ARE LOOKING UP, MATE!

I'm gonna get serious about getting to 65kg now. I thought I could ease myself into this but I clearly can't. I haven't lost a shred of weight, my fat percentage is going down and I'm pretty content with my build but it's a wee bit too late to go back now. All I have to do is get to 65 by the end of May, if that means I have to top my routines with an hour of extra cardio and eat once a day then so be it. I am gonna look so good naked.

Ahead Of Us - Tom Swoon & Lush & Simon

Nobody knows it but me.

"I swear, I'm the only bro you talk to."

- Kay.

Pete picked me up for work and off we went. It feels strange not to pop into the warehouse or office without the usual greeting of everyone there. I didn't even get a briefing of what I had to do, they just basically threw a pile of paper into my lap and fucked off. I guess I should know what to do by now, and I do but the morning greetings were one of the best parts about work, hope this is a one time thing, would hate to create distance between my co-workers. I didn't fuck up all day today! it was a perfect run as far as I was concerned but I'm sure Pete would think differently, he always manages to find something that ticks him off but at least he doesn't take it out on me, actually, he probably does, I just listen to my iPod all day though :L

Got home and headed to that place where people pick things up and put them back down a lot. Did back and bis whilst holding a conversation with Kay and as usual, we just spent our small time together giving each other shit til one of us got fed up and went home, in today's case, it was her.

I like this little small routine I've unintentionally followed for the last few months or so. It's just work, gym, home for a bit, mumsies' place and then home again, sleep, repeat. I would even go as far as to say that I look forward to it, not just one thing in particular, too, like, the entire day is enjoyable but at the same time, I feel guilty. I have it easy, really easy, I always have, whenever I'm in trouble, luck kicks in and everything gets better in a hurry. Something bad is going to happen one day, something really bad, this stroke of luck has been around me for as long as I remember but knowing this, might make me better prepared for whatever misfortunes decide to knock on my door.

Nobody Knows It But Me - Babyface

Waves.

"Oop, need to take out the dicks in my van."

- Dante Le

No idea what I did today. There were things I did but nothing I would want to remember but fuck it, I'll write them down anyway.

Dante is a lot smarter than I give him credit for, just when you think he's a complete moron, he drops some deep knowledge or something ingenious and the moment you think he's a smart, complicated individual, he goes and does or says something that would convince you he's got a severe case of down syndrome. It's a mixed bag with him, or anyone in our family, really. I vaguely remember giving Dante the "ok" to take Betty to work, why would he need Betty ? fucks me but I ain't gonna find out simply because if it's a stupid answer, we're gonna have some kind of argument which is the language of the most stupid people on Earth and even though we credit ourselves of being stupid, there're even lines that we don't cross and rise above.

Hieu hit me up asking if I was down for ramen and like any other being with at least half a brain, I said yes. I probably waited 3 hours for that nigga to get ready only to later be told that he wasn't gonna go anymore which left me in a confused, hungry but not surprised state. I wonder why this always happens when I choose to go out, you'd think all those times you didn't go out would accumulate some sort of luck stat which would make the one time you do go out to be awesome but nooooo, niggas gon' nig. But then again, if it did work that way then life would be too easy.

Andy came by and bummed at my place for the first time in months, he missed this place as much as we missed him :L That bastard is all grown up now and it's so surreal to be seeing this up close and personal. I mean, not long ago, I'm talking like, a week ago; that dude went out with his friends to the city, with chicks that are older than him. What the fuck happened? How did he do that? I want to know these things but I would rather eat my foreskin than ask him for relationship advice, that's just too unbecoming of any older sibling but I have the odd feeling that it's going to have to come to that one day and that will be the day I throw all pride out the window. He did his homework in my room and showed me his diary which actually has stuff written in it! I must've wrote in my diary like a total of 3 times in my 5 years attending there. Holy shit, this kid is going places, probably not uni, but places.

Dante came home to notify me that the rapevan is finally leaving, it was a very emotional 3 or so minutes. I had a little flashback montage in my head about all the times I napped on it's roof while trying to look into Tai's old house with a pair of old binoculars an old mate gave me when I was in primary school. If there's anything I've learnt; it's that when old and good things go, it's so that new and better things can take it's place.

Talked to Vi, Thy and Kay on different occasions whilst doing chest and tris. Kay is still the same, man. No matter how much I change, she still gives me shit and that was one of the biggest things I missed in high school. We talked so much shit that it's become a language of it's own at this point. High school, people we've seen, relationships, marriage among other things, she even told me I have a secret admirer who would often ask Kay who I was or where I am when given the chance, I just pray that this person is a chick and not Dante because I can totally see him doing that.

Attempted to watch "1 Litre Of Tears" but had to stop because we were laughing too much because we're immature, unempathetic assholes that like to crack the occasional retard joke and that movie is just full of herps and derps. Played more "don't touch the white tile" and then here I am.

Waves - AxMod

No angels.

"Oh, you guys brothers?"

- Vee and Leon.

Oh, how I miss waking up at like 12pm. I'm kinda glad I did, I can't imagine what there is to do if I woke up any earlier, I'd probably go find someone to do something with but who can run the chance of taking someone else out of their day to fulfill your selfish desires, they'd totally be all like "uh, okay" because they're considerate like that but then again, there's very little point in asking if you're expecting to be rejected.

Bumped into Hieu the Seed while on my journey for food in the lands of Inala, turns out; he was there for the exact same reason. It's good to know that I'm not the only one who goes to a random place just to look for something to eat. There've been so many new places that opened up there but I always end up at Subway for some strange reason. Hieu joined me and we talked, caught up and of course, made plans, whatever keeps him happy I suppose. It's been awhile since I last held a conversation with him, it's not that doing that is difficult or anything, it's just that we rarely have a conversation when we're at the same place with other people since there's so much other shit to do. He said something about Ramen and then fucked off somewhere. Bumped into KT shortly after, he looked like he was in a hurry, running errands for his mumsies so I could understand but something seems a little off. KT and I were never close but it looked like he was avoiding something, avoiding me perhaps but maybe it's just my imagination, maybe he was genuinely busy and was in the rush to get home or maybe it's maybelline.

Didn't feel like going home so I bummed at mumsies work place and met up with my Aunty, whom I have not seen in ages. She would always keep me up to date with the happenings of my little, distant family. She'd also provide a lot of life and financial advice, shit to do with taxes, interests and what have you. It must've been only an hour but we covered the last 6 months in a conversation or two in record time. I've come to savor family moments a lot more than I used to, something clicked not long ago, like an epiphany concerning my priorities and I'm glad that happened, sometimes, you got to give things up to let the things you have now settle.

Leg day, a very short leg day but a leg day nonetheless, going with Dante is proving to be counter-productive since there's only so much I can do in the short time we stay. When he goes home, I go home and that's not something I'm used to just yet. So, I did squats for 50 or so minutes, pretty decent sets of 60, 100, 140 and 160 if I do say so myself. Man, there aren't enough hours in the day.

No Angels (BASTILLE & Ella Cover) - TLC & The XX

Sunburst.

"This movie, is so fucking corny."

- Dante Le, whilst watching "Windstruck"

Had a perfect run as far as work was concerned. Was expected to arrive at the last drop at 2pm but we got there, did the drop, assembled the lounges and found the cure to canceraids, went home, took a shit and ate a pie by 12pm. Pretty solid Saturday.

I never know what to do when I get home early. I'm so used to 6pm-8pm finishes due to the last few weeks but now that my hours are actually normal, I don't have a clue as what to do when we're sent home. I showered got in the car and just drove to the first place that came to mind which happened to be the gym, I figured it would be a good time to finish off yesterday's pathetic excuse of a gym session and spent the next 2 hours working on traps and cardio but even when I was done, it was barely 3pm. I must've passed out at some point because I vividly remember Dante singing a familiar tune as he walked in through the living room threshold, coming back from work. He tried hard not to mention the fact that he had work since he always seemed to pride himself being a part-timer, which meant working 3-4 days a week. We rambled on about things I can no longer recall and ended up at the gym yet again. I need another hobby, it's quite depressing to just read and write about work and gym all the time even if they are the activities that take up the majority of my day. I can't imagine what it must feel like to be you, reading this, expecting something and I can't blame you, I'm expecting something else as well, just wish I knew what it was instead of depending on luck that life will bring me something worth recording instead of this mundane lifestyle that has and will take up the content of this blog, unless something detrimental happens, I don't see this changing anytime soon, which is a shame because I don't want that anymore than the next person does.

Dante and I have seemed to hit this "Korean Drama" phase. We'd spend out evenings finding a Korean movie to watch to pass the time, not the best way to spend a night but I don't think any of the things we do are.

Sunburst - Tobu & Itro

Birds on the wires.

"What the fuck have I done to deserve your respect?"

- Kevin Le.

Ugh, not feeling too good. Today was a public holiday and so there wasn't much going on other than the usual. Went out to watch Dante eat Pho whilst I play "Don't tap the white tiles" on his phone. I swear, I don't think I've been this addicted to a game since Stepmania, the reason being is because it pretty much is Stepmania only it's in your pocket and it makes piano sounds when you don't tap on the white tiles. Bumped into Khoa and Randy and had a brief chat, I still need to get Randy's present and I still owe Khoa for Hannah's birthday that happened awhile back, even though it wasn't my fault, no one should fork out hundreds of extra dollars just because some knobsuckers decide not to pay of their food. I'm getting really off-track here.

Bummed at Tai's for a bit and then we headed to the gym, and what a shit session it was. It's been a long time since my entire body was sore so mustering up the energy to so simple exercises was a bit of a mission. We did shoulders and decided to leave it at that. Normally, there'd be another hour and a half of traps and cardio but Tai had to go somewhere and I wasn't feeling too hot, that said though, it was good while it lasted. I'm glad that I did something rather than sit at home a laze about and even more so to do it with someone I haven't been talking to as of late, there's just too much shit to get out of the way first but it feels good to know that there're people who would take the time out of their own schedule to do something of common interest for an hour or two. Got filled in on the happenings of 2dn and everything has pretty much went to shit the last time I saw them as a group and to be honest, I can't say I didn't see it coming, it's a shame things turned out the way they did but at the same time, it shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone, time does that after high school, interests wane and circles form n' shit.

Getting to 65 might've been too ambitious on my part but we'll see how we go, I still think it's possible.

Birds On The Wires - Jarbas Agnelli

Asshole.

"You have strange views on life, Kevy."

- Tony. I need to ask this dude's last name sometime.

Never in a million years could I predict what happened today. It was a wonderful morning, an early start, must've been around 5:30 am when I headed out for some coffee before I headed to work. I saw the twilight dwindle through the trails of trickled rain water which formed where it pleased the night before. The sun was present but it felt as cold as the night, my heart and soul were warm but my nipples were hard. I took all this in until I arrived at the warehouse, what I heard next was as unexpected as the Spanish Inquisition. "You're going to New South Wales, bro." to which I responded with "wot." it was a very defined "wot" too, as if all of my wot went into that wot and I'm pretty sure it did since I don't think I asked another question all day, mainly due to the fear that I'd get stationed even further when I give the chance.

Felt tired all day, more so than usual, I did my usual 10 or so hours but I don't think I've felt so spent so early before. I think it's just because I knew that I was in a different city just a few hours ago so having that on my mind all day didn't help but saying that, that didn't stop me from smashing the gym again. I feel like I'm pretty much forcing myself at this point. There's something about walking into the gym that makes all that previous fatigue just vanish, might be the atmosphere, it's always nice to be in an environment where everyone is aiming the same direction as everyone else. It's like a game, everyone is in different parts of the story, some play on hard and others on casual but we feel like we're all gonna make it and it's gonna be mad. Bumped into Vi and had a small exchange of acknowledgement and then we went about our routines.

I got invited to dinner at one of my boss' homes with his family. Apparently, there're stories being told about me everywhere and so everyone wants to meet this strange, little being that is Kevin Le. I felt bad turning him down, his daughter seems to have taken a liking to those stories, whether those stories are true or not is something I'll never know, I never get told what shit gets thrown about about me but that kind of stuff never bothered me so I don't make it an effort to understand. I think I might have offended him and that left me in the dark a little, I don't regret it though. I come to work to work, not make friends, there's too many things I need to take care of before I get to bask in personal luxury. I've been too carefree for too long and there's quite a bit that has piled up. I think I still am carefree, it's just gonna take a real long time and I'm prepared for that.

Asshole - Denis Leary

We are the people.

"Here, fork you."

- Pete, as he handed me a fork I dropped. I've laughed at some pretty stupid shit but this had to take the cake. Oh god, I'm a sucker for really bad jokes.

I got smacked in the balls today. Let me give you a sentiment on how sensitive a man's balls are. A man will cover every inch of his balls when they're naked even if he was the only living thing on Earth. A man will cover his balls with his hand even if he was wearing a cup specifically designed to protect his balls. A man will hover his hand over his balls when fighting someone with no limbs and a man will always cover his balls even when he's already covering his balls. The only time when he doesn't is when he's lifting a couch and then the customer's racist 4 year old kid walks up and punches his nuts in with a toy truck in his hand without the slightest hint of guilt or regret in his eyes, in fact, he almost looked proud of what he did. Oh god, poor little Kevin. Still didn't drop it though, so I got that going for me, which is nice.

Got paired up with Pete again, sounds like I'm complaining but I'm not, I swear :L he doesn't say shit so I get to listen to my iPod all day and shit is so sweet, especially when you get to put your feet up on the dash and pull the seat all the way back. I remember fucking up a lot today. I would not read the paperwork properly and drop off part of the delivery, then I would find out drops later then get Pete to take us back to finish what he left on, felt like a total failure but I'm glad to know that that was the extent of my mess-ups. Pete on the other hand, didn't seem to happy. It was one of those work days that left everyone fucked up. I stayed back to help warehouse the stock away with my gift of being neutral with heights while everyone else did their own thing.

Bumped into Thy and Vi whilst doing chest and tris with Dante, didn't speak to them but saw them nonetheless, don't know why I would put this here but it's always nice to see a familiar face now and then, I think I would like to be reminded of those moments, even if there was no communication involved. Today was a good day. Now my legs, chest and tris are all kinds of fucked up, good day indeed.

We Are The People - Empire Of The Sun

We Are The People (FlicFlak Remix) - Empire Of The Sun

Burn it up all night.

"Save some plates for the rest of us, aye?"

- Random dude from gym.

When in doubt, do it anyway. I was never told when to rock up at work today but I knew it was Troy's and Beau's day off so it was safe to wager that they needed all the help they could get and I was right. Those who were available rocked up at 6am and unloaded a cargo in less than 20 minutes, those said people quickly scattered to do 2 days of work in 1. I ended up with Pete again since his usual partner is on holidays.

I fucked up quite a bit today, it's never a good thing at the time when you fuck up but the knowledge you get afterwards is almost priceless. I'm glad it was something small, I'd be in so much shit right now if I dropped a fridge or something, "it will happen one day." everyone keeps telling me and now that I got that shit on my mind, I'm more spaced when it comes to everything else, which is really bad when you have thousands of someone else's dollars worth of merchandise in your hands.

I don't know where this energy is coming from, usually, I'd be knackered right after work but there's something driving me to do what I want to do. I would name it but there's a high chance that I'd be wrong so I'll just ride on it and see how far it'll take me before I'll have to be forced to word it, hopefully, that won't happen anytime soon and it'll take me as far as I need to go before I'll make an ass of myself.

My legs hurt, I also used to be careful not to be too sore for work but now that I have this new, sunny disposition, I don't give a fuck anymore. My legs are so fucked for tomorrow and it's gonna be awesome.

Burn It Up All Night - Sweet Talker

Chasing cars.

"nah, mate. I got an early start tomorrow."

- Kevin Le, found myself saying that a lot these days.

I usually have Mondays off anyway, the fact that it's a public holiday just means that I lose a day off, which sucks but at the same time, it's pre' dope. I woke up early out of habit and just waited for something to do, after awhile, I knew the boss wasn't going to call me in like he did the last time so I kinda just lazed about.

The lack of activity today was outstanding. All I did was bum about, went here and there in hopes to fill my day and stomach as I wondered what I should do next. The day goes by so fast when I'm not thinking about it, before I know what's happening, it's 11pm and I start getting ready for the day ahead, it's a little depressing now that I think about it but at least this doesn't happen til I fall asleep. I never used to worry about when I fell asleep, there was always something to watch, do or someone to talk to. I remember looking forward to late night conversations with people, there was always something to talk about. I think that was when I was most social, in the hours where no one was awake but me and the odd dozen or so people who couldn't sleep.

Despite nothing happening, that didn't stop me from trying to make something happen but even then, the best I got were weird stares from people wondering why there was an asian dude dancing in front of a kabab stand while giving prolonged eye-contact to those who bothered to observe this aberrant behavior. Went gym to work towards looking good naked and then went home, where I did home-stuff.

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

Eat, sleep, rave, repeat.

"huh, Oscar thought you were Vinh."

- Vinh/Flynn Huynh

"But I am Vinh, I'm Ke-vinh. HAHAHAHAH"

- Kevin Le

"It's way too early in the morning for your shitty jokes, Kevin."

- Leon Le, at like, 12pm

I woke up on the floor of Randy's apartment, there were so many opportunities to go home early but I know how it feels to be the only one left after a party and that's no way to feel right after the day of your birth. Vinh, Tony, Randy, Anthony and I were the only ones who stayed the night, with only an hour left to clean up, the day seemed dreary but some light conversation whilst cleaning made quick work of that. I need to find the bastard who was feeding plants all the biscuits, that asshole. We did what we could and called a cab home. It's been a long time since I last kicked it with these guys so the day started out great even though we took turns cleaning up other people's yak and food 5 minutes after we opened our eyes.

Got home, Dante and Betty were no where to be seen and I didn't really feel like installing my speakers again after bringing them to Randy's so I kinda just sat there. I showered, brushed my teeth and just bummed about, this would've went on for ages too if Leon didn't pick me up to go eat with Flynn, Oscar, Linh and Ace-wombat. I saw a lot of faces today, Ken, Tony, Tammy and their clique, I even met Jeff and his sister at the restaurant. It gave me energy to see these all these people and gave me that little push I needed to get through the unproductive day.

Feels like a new book at the moment, not a new chapter, but a new book. I think that means it's time to get my shit together. I'm gonna start working towards my goal of 65kg by the end of May seriously starting tomorrow, I'm gonna grind until there's nothing to worry about and see if I can have a little fun along the way. And I'm going to win at life.

Eat Sleep Rave Repeat Vs Crushed Vs No Good (Armin Van Buuren Mashup) - Cosmic Gate, Mark Sixma, Riva Starr & Fatboy Slim, Fedde Le Grand, Sultan & Ned Shepard

The parting glass.

"This guy picks one quote on the day that stands out to him and posts it on his blog everyday!"

- Tai Pham, that knob.

It became apparent to me that no matter how good a person seems, no matter how logical you think he thinks and no matter how well you know him; a man will always fall to the temptation of ill will. Let this be a warning to the faithful.

I worked with Jeff today, the first time in my short time working here. We laughed at our mistakes and carried on whilst talking about games, anime, visual novels and the comparison with the three. He doesn't seem like a dude who would be interested in those sorts of things, what, with his long ass dreadlocks, headband and piercings but I suppose everything comes in all shapes and sizes. I'm glad I ended up with him today, I know if I ended up with anyone else, those mistakes we did would just ruin their days and then I'd be around someone who can't take a joke and that's something I'd rather avoid if given the chance.

It being a Saturday meant 6am starts but that also means 12-2pm finishes but when I got home, I didn't like what I got home to. There are so many things I want to say but can't because of the circumstances I had to face but I knew it was something I did not want to be apart of. It's strange how these things can happen even at the places you feel most comfortable. There was something bad happening at home, I don't know what but I'll be damned if I was going to stick around and find out. It didn't seem like it but to me, it felt like I got kicked out, my morals and relationships were clashing with one another so I ran, man. I got out of the house so fast. It was pure coincidence that Randy's birthday party was happening on the same night, an event I wasn't going to go to in the first place. I didn't have a good reason to stay there but I had a good reason to leave here and so I found myself at Tony Huynh's house, waiting for others to catch a cab to the city.

I found out a lot of things today, some things were cemented while other things we left unattended. Having a blog doesn't serve much of a purpose when there are things I must keep to myself so I'll make vague notes like a 12 year old school girl in hopes that the future me will look back and recollect this terrible, terrible feeling that doesn't want to go away.

You were like the greatest being I ever knew

But now you've shown me what I didn't

The things you've done, known only by a few

The way I see you now is different.

I went out bringing a memento I held dear

I saw what I ignored and it punctured deep

My heart raced but it wasn't fear

Rather, it was an odd mixture of relief

I had a small moment to myself

As I recollect the days I treasured so

I put the memento back into my pocket

Discovering shit like this comes and goes

So now that I've tasted a small schmekle of reality

There should be even less things that can bother me

But I know when I look back at this poem I wrote on a whim

I will remember that it was for the best, for me and for them. 

I think I've found my motivation today. I want to go back to work. Home isn't as comfy as it was before today.

The Parting Glass (COVER) - Ed Sheeran

All on me.

"Even if we're family, you can never do these kinds of things for free, people will step all over you and then it'll be too late."
- Tony.

I had thought I'd get Good Friday off, it was the main reason why I stayed up so late last night but life has many surprises in store, not just for me, for everyone. I woke up to a call from Steve in the morning, asking me to come into work, it'd only be me, him and Tony. Apparently, we didn't actually finish doing everything we had to last night and today was a catch-up of some kind, you know, to do what we had no time for before. It was nice, spending some time with the big boys, it kinda makes me glad to know they rely on me to that extent, it must've not been easy to take someone away from their public holiday to be somewhere you're supposed to avoid in such occasion, probably wouldn't come easy to anyone but hey, if I didn't rock up, I'd just be sitting here, rotting my Friday away like the douchebag I am. Looking at the phone to see their names as my ringtone goes off gives me a sense of relief.

I didn't work for long, must've been about an hour and a half but it was a relentless hour and a half. Loading up 5 trucks by myself was more tiring than I thought but shit, I was given $50 in cash, cash I initially declined since I had thought this was more of a favor than a job. Got home at 12 and figured I might as well use this money I ended up with by buying lunch for Dante, my random room mate whom I forget exists and myself. Pho tastes so much better when you've worked for it. Also bumped into Tai and Jenny when I gotz me some drank. The activity at Inala on Good Friday would make you think it wasn't Good Friday. We had a short conversation about my nipples and Randy's before we went about our days. I rarely see those dudes but when I do, there's always a bright aura or a good atmosphere and since this is so consistent, it makes me think the longer I don't see them, the better the environment will be when I do, at least, that's my justification for not seeing anyone but my direct family on a daily basis.

Hit the gym with Dante, he followed his program as I just looked in the mirror and decided to do shoulders. I really need to get my shit together, man. Getting to 65 by the end of May at this rate seems like a fairy tale but when I think about it, it doesn't seem impossible. I'm gonna make it and it's going to be the most glorious moment of my life.

All On Me - Case & Point & Gamble & Burke

Forever.

"Why are your nipples out?"

- Pete. I couldn't give him a decent answer.

The longer you're with people, the higher the chance that you'll see something or find out something you don't want to, I never figured Pete as a dude that would lose his cool so easily, even if he looks like he could catch Freddy Krueger in his sleep but he just blew today. He's a very impatient man when to comes to people who don't know how to drive and having his time wasted and that is the worst combination when you drive trucks for a living because it's almost certain you'll experience both of those things every day. I guess he's got places to be and shit to do but now that I know how easy it is to pop his lid, I'm gonna find myself subconsciously avoiding him which isn't something I want nor something he needs to experience but it'll just happen.

Saw Tai and Jenny heading towards Mt Nebo on the way to deliver a fridge in Graceville. I flashed my tits at them but they must've missed it, and thinking back now, it might've been for the better, if they had saw it, I'm sure it would've caused a terrible accident because Pete swerved the truck when turned to his left only to be greeted by my boobs shortly after Tai drove past.

All 6 trucks finished at around the same time, we didn't get back to the warehouse til 5:30pm and at that point, everyone was knackered but there were still things we had to do but everyone was on edge. The string tends to get thinner as the day goes by and with everyone holding on to a thread, being the way I normally am wasn't too appealing at the time. I focused on what needed to be done and as I drove Beau to his car when we had finallt finished, he told me my enthusiasm seems to be slowly fading but I don't think that's it. Even I know that there's a time a place for being you but when those times and places are no where to be seen, it's usually because there's tension in the air and that calls for crunch time, which felt like all day today, you get these days, in fact, it's surprising that you don't get these kind of days everyday. This job is fun, which is more than what I can say for most jobs. I'm an extremely lucky individual.

Coming home from a 12 hour day is exhausting, shifting gears so suddenly can take its toll on anyone. When I got home, I didn't know what to do so I started writing about it and now I'm going to hit the hay, Goodnight, fellas.

Forever - Arizon

Earth meets water.

"Make way, motherfuckers; Kevin "The Champion of Vietnam" is here."

- Kevin Le, storming into the warehouse at 6am

Working with incompetent people must suck, it's probably why there's so much hesitation when it comes to hiring new people. I can see why there aren't many worker anymore since there's such a massive lack in common sense. It hurts me to know that I'm the only one who hasn't posed a major problem with everyone else and that I'm the most reliable of the newbies that have come in as of late, it hurts me because it just goes to show how many dicks there are in the world. Such an unnecessary piece of knowledge, if it didn't earn my family income, I would never leave the house.

Got paired up with old mate Big Brad today, he picked me because the new fella he worked with the day before pushed a couch over the railing and Big Brad caught it at the cost of his back which left me to do everything but driving, which I'm totally cool with. Going to the coast always excites me, there's nothing quite like getting to legally go into other people's houses just to see what it's like. I get ideas for my own personal future home and inspiration whilst figuring out how to get what where. The fact that it's at the coast means that there's almost a 0% chance that I'll encounter any feral homes which appear quite frequently had I been picked to go on any other run, the shit you see, man, you have no idea.

I did well, at least, I think I did well, people like to say this when they really mean that, and I'm not sure if what I hear is what they're thinking or discussing, it worries me but at the same time, I shouldn't really care, I'm only there to do what I can and if what I'm doing isn't good enough, they'll have to tell me sooner or later. I just wish that it'll warm up to the truth instead of letting the truth come crashing down, you know, like with most things.

Got home, went out for din din with the fam bam and ate two dishes because it was the first thing I ate all day, let it settle down a little then headed for the gym where all I did was run. I don't think I've felt tired like this before, or in the least; a very long time. I need to find another motive, something I just think about that will make me restless and I have a feeling that that feeling will not be too far away.

Earth Meets Water (Dash Berlin Remix) - Rigby

Wind.

"We're just that good."

- Tony

Woke up, drove the work truck here and there for a bit, did the local deliveries and to my surprise, there are actually people who can afford Harvey Norman stuff that live in Inala, Oxley, Durack, Darra and what have you, yeah, I didn't believe it either. Ended up at the warehouse somehow and never really left. I guess they thought it would be more efficient if I helped out in the storage area instead of being on the road all the time, not complaining or anything, I'd rather be constantly active than being on and off for a long period of time.

Was expecting quite a bit and there was but no where near as much as I thought, I think my sense of workload is a little off when compared to everyone else, been so used to 12 hour shifts and cunty customers that everything else seems like a cakewalk. Spent a lot of the time carrying lounges on a platform 10 meters from the ground, apparently, not many people like heights where I work so they got me to do most of the couch storing. Guess they figured my small stature would somehow dampen the damage if I fell, seems like something they would come up with, they like taking racism lightly, and so do I, so it all works out in the end I suppose :L

It's going to be a retarded next few weeks, for some odd reason, people like to order a lot of shit on the Easter holidays, they're really pushing for help and everyone has been putting forth some inhumane shifts and loads, and that's to be expected I guess, I was a fool to think holidays actually meant "holidays".

MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONAYYYYY

Wind (Cello Cover) - Akeboshi

Take my breathe away.

"...."
no one, nothing memorable was said today unfortunately.

I'm kinda glad I decided to have Monday as my day off during the week, think I really needed it this time around. Saw Dante off to work and then went back to sleep, woke up shortly after feeling as bad as I look, which is pretty damn bad. Today was spent recovering from an illness I didn't even know I had a few days ago and now that I know I'm sick, I can't help but be sick. It used to never bother me when I was ill but there's nothing I can do to take my mind off it, I can't really help but sit here and be sick, which sucks since I could be doing things like, playing golf or some shit.

These days off are weird, all I do is sit down and Facebook or Youtube, not much else I can do but since I'm sick, there's not much else I want to do. I pretty much bummed around the house til 6pm, which is about the time Dante comes home and when he did come home, all I did was bum around the house, only this time, I was blessed with his company. Hm, when I put it like that, it seems like a plain and dull day but it was actually quite enjoyable, today was a good day, you know, aside from all the sneezing and dying and whatnot.

Take My Breathe Away - Jacoo & Felicia Santilla

How to save a life.

"Ugh, what time is it?"

- Kevin Le

Didn't realize how sleep deprived I was until today. Got into the habit of not staying up, even on nights where I had the day of the morning after. I don't know why but I guess it's just because the mornings are a little too nice to waste, at least, that's what I thought. I didn't wake up til 6pm today, so that's like 18 hours of solid sleep, probably would've woken up a little earlier had my curtains not made my half-asleep state think it was still the evening, damn

I usually dislike days off but this was a very welcomed rest on my part, been feeling crook all day, sneezing n' shit to the point where I'd get light headed, it's good to know that tomorrow will be a day dedicated to recovery, unless the boss calls me in but not even the boss is that much of a dickhead. I'll probably regret telling him to call me whenever he needs the extra hand, he wouldn't do it unless it was a last resort, he's got this ideology that the payroll is one, big happy family which is different for a business, to be honest, it's even different for families but there's nothing I can do when he does, for now, I'll just take it as it comes.

Bummed at mumsies' with Dante as she freaked out about my sickness, you know, as mums do. There's been something different between me and my family ever since I started work, like something is missing. We don't talk as much as we used to and me coming over as often as I can isn't helping as much as I thought it would. Sometimes I think it's just because she doesn't want to make me anymore tired than I already am but I'm a fucking beast, so that can't be it. I also think it might be because there's nothing to talk about, she can't yell at me or tell me to do things because I'm either not there or I'm already doing things so there's nothing to say. The best we get is "Hi" and "Bye" it's sad to think that's all there is to a mother-son relationship but from what I've already seen, maybe that is all there is to a relationship like that. I GOTSTA FIX DIS. IT'S ALL I HAVE RIGHT NOW. NOT GOOD.

How To Save a Life (Husko Remix) -  The Fray

Dimensions.

"I'd rather die than live in one of those homes."

- Pete, right after we did a drop for a retirement home at the coast.

Dude, today was one big deja vu-mindfuck. I got paired up with Pete again, doing the Gold Coast/Browns Plains run and we did a complete lap of what we did yesterday, only in a different order. Same suburbs, same route, same conversations, shit, when we stopped at the same 7/11 and bought the exact same shit we did the day before. He had the same bottle, I had the same lunch, he's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers, dreaming about the day when he'd wake up and find that what he's looking for has been here the whole time.

But yeah, Pete is more ambitious than I thought, never thought he was that against becoming so inactive, it must've felt weird to look at a bunch of retired elderly people and knowing you're only an odd 20-30 years shy from becoming what you saw. It was a little sad, too. Pete is as unique as it gets when it comes to 50 year olds and knowing that they're not all condescending, unempathetic people makes me breathe a small sigh of relief, I wouldn't like becoming like that and it's good to see that he doesn't want to either. Never thought I'd see common ground with a dude that's 30 years older than me but I guess there's first for everything. Also got to work with Troy for a bit as well, what a day to be alive! even if all he did was give me shit during the delivery.

Got home and am now preparing myself for one uneventful weekend, these next few days are going to be brutal, in a good way I suppose, everyone needs a little r&r. My mood has been improving, must be all the good doof doof recently. Never get tired of how good music can be, the hardstyle is playing a huge part of my days as of late as well. You should see some of the looks I get when I listen to my iPod at work, man, shit is fucking priceless.

Dimensions - Wave Pressure

Starting over.

"You brought your own music? that's pretty smart, this truck doesn't have radio and I don't talk much anyway."

- Pete.

Not many reliable people work where I work. The business is slowly expanding but people aren't turning up and now they're relying on casual workers to the point where they're basically working full time, I'm not complaining but it's a little odd, unfair even, not to me but to the people who've already contracted themselves to the company but hey, because of this, I made a new acquaintance!

Little Brad and Pete are the two people who usually do the Browns Plains runs so I'd rarely ever see them let alone work with them but something happened to Little Brad and the boss has put me in as his replacement which means I'm going to have to scope out Pete's personality to see if he's cool with me farting around him which is basically the epitome of comfortable relationships. I'm cool with farting around pretty much anyone, the only reason why I need to scope out Pete is because he's more than twice my age. The dude is 50 so I don't know if my farting will cause some sort of war-orientated reflex where he'll put me in an arm lock and snap my elbow as he whispers "your hair smells different when you're awake" or some shit, better safe than sorry, man. Pete is pretty cool though, he's fucking fit for his age, I'll give him that, I don't think he's quite accepted the fact that he's 50, either that, or he's just a very, very productive person, I get that kinda vibe from him.

Lost 15 bucks today to mumsies', asians go ham when it comes to gambling, man. I can see why Dadsies' got into all that debt and ran away leaving all the piles of bullshit to Dante and me, I don't condone it but I can see why it happens. It's probably to do with the fact that gambling is illegal at Vietnam, releasing all that pent up gambling urges here must've felt relieving for these people, still, it doesn't change the fact that I lost money to my own mother, she had a big ass smile on her face as she did it, too, it was like taking candy from a baby to her cause I cried like one. She didn't even offer any of it back, it was like "alright, you can go home now" ah, one of the things I love about her, it's also one of the things I looked over and took for granted when I was younger.

Starting Over - Code Black & Atmozfears

How you love me.

"These guys love you, Kev. They wouldn't give you this much shit if they didn't"

- Tony. It's strange how that's how these kind of relationships work and yet it's almost like a universal truth.

I got paired off with Beau, who has been the main character of my posts a few times before. Since I've only been with the company for a month or two, I feel like these people are my seniors but I always forget that Beau and Troy are my age which them leads me to remember that I'm turning 20 this year and so are they. Shit is insane, I still feel like a high schooler and at times, so does everyone else, well, we act like we are anyway, which is no safe environment for anyone, can you imagine a bunch of kids in forklifts and trucks flinging shit everywhere?

I feel like work is kinda like a visual novel or a dating sim based on luck. I'm always in a truck with one other person for hours on end and I can choose to either get to know them better or leave it how it is and sometimes, an important event will happen and I'd trigger a flag which will make me advance through the game whether I want to or not which sucks but no one's got a choice and today, I triggered one hell of a flag. Today, Beau told me he hated nutella and kinda broke my heart, didn't know there was someone like that here, didn't talk to that dude for like, the rest of the day. So yeah, my day consisted of trying not to stab Beau with a cardboard box left over from some fridge we delivered whilst coming up with alibis and cover-ups for when the police find parts of his body scattered everywhere and that went pretty well, Beau is still alive (to my knowledge) and I still have a clear conscious with no blood on my hands so taking that into account, today was a pretty good day.

Got home to a bottle of tequila staring me in face. "Who are you and what are you doing here?" I would ask but seeing as though I'm talking to a bottle, I didn't get a response, I don't recall buying a bottle of tequila and I'm pretty sure I would remember if I did. Turns out, Dante had plans to get drunk as balls while gambling our spare coins away, man, I'm feeling older and older by the day. Not like a 20 year old old but more like a 60 year old spending his spare time sleeping, gambling and drinking but as long as it's with family, I guess I don't have anything to complain about.

How You Love Me - 3LAU & Bright Lights

Someone.

"So what are your plans today?"

- Dante Le.

Was told to have the day off, something about me racking up too many hours and they want to avoid "burning me out" or something, I don't know, I wasn't listening but what I do know is that I'm not going to spend a majority of my day doing things so today's mission is doing the opposite of things, which is nothing.

Dante also had today off. It's rare for us to have the same day off and so we celebrated this minor occasion by stealing Andy and bumming at Nando's and even though it was like, $60 for the three of us, there's nothing wrong with spoiling yourself once in a while. People might treat themselves to a massage, clothing, shoes and drugs but my idea of a perfect day off is sleep, food and music and my god was today a perfect day, the only thing that could've made it better was some company I haven't had for awhile but there's plenty of time for that sort of thing later, right now, me and my family take priority over all else and I think everyone feels the same.

Started gambling at Mumsies' house at night, don't know how it came to this but it has and as of right now, no on is complaining :L If you happen to end up playing any card games with older asian dudes, you're gonna have a bad time, they are so good at pretending to be bad that it's almost scary. The risks they take are crazy (borderline retarded behavior if you ask me) but it always seems to go in their favor so now, losing $10-$15 a night almost seems like a tradition at this point. I know this will keep going since no asian is willing to let go of a chance that might win them a little extra cash.

Someone - Atmozfears & Energyzed

Tonight will never die.

"Ah, yes. When you get a little older, Kevin, you start to notice how stupid people are."

- Dante Le

Apparently, I'm just going through some sort of phase but if that is a the case, then I'm in for one hell of a phase, I think Dante is still in his and I just started mine so if I take him as a reference, then I won't be done for another decade or so since he doesn't look like he'll become a social butterfly anytime soon :L

Got paired up with big Brad again today, poor bloke :L don't think he had a choice in the matter because if he did, I wouldn't be with him :L but I think I did pretty well, nothing he can complain about anyway. Nothing quite like a cruise to, about and back from the gold coast first thing in the morning, aside from all the lounges, it was a very straight-forward day. "Do this." "do that." "don't embarrass me." "open your eyes! oh they are open HAHAHAHA" yeah, there was a lot of that. He's one of those guys who make really lame jokes and think they're the funniest things in the entire fucking planet, not so lame to the point where they're funny but just below that level of lameness, the worst kind of lame but I must admit, for the first 20 or so times, the eye joke was pretty funny :L

Long drives are tiring, I swear staying conscious in the truck is much harder then actually doing the work but man, the view is so damn satisfying, you start to notice things you would never notice before, like today, I started to think about who made the roads and spent my entire day just appreciating the effort to take to make the roads we drive on. Can you imagine how tedious it would've been to wake up and make roads all day? They go on for-fucking-ever, too. I totally forgot where I was going with this post.

Tonight Will Never Die - Brennan Heart & Code Black

Best day of my life.

"Sorry for calling you in on your day off again, mate."

- Bossman Steve, like I could say no to the guy that's funding my family :L

Woke up to a phone call from the boss who had just gotten home from a vacation on Thailand, he seemed to be in a good mood which is rare these days. He's a large man so it's hard to tell if he's angry, happy, sad or hungry but most of the time, he just looks tired but then again, I would be too if I my body was 140kg. I was asked to come in since people are not showing up for work, a lot of unreliable people are employed here, don't know why but I guess that's the kind of audience this job attracts. They plan on putting me on recruitment so hopefully, I'll get to change the business' future, for the better of course. Already got some people in mind who would be a valuable asset to us hehehe, if you're keen to be out and about while doing some heavy lifting here and there, give us a holla.

Got paired up with Big Brad to do the Gold Coast run. The truck was filled to the brim with other people's lounges, you'd think they'd have everything they'd need at the coast but you'd think wrong because the amount of shit that goes up there is ridiculous. I bonded a little more with Brad, I was told he was very picky when it came to his partner so I don't know if me bring with him was a good thing or a bad thing but we cracked some jokes here and there, talked about our diet plans while singing along to 70's and 80's music (I only knew like, 3 :L) and then our day ended. Being firm is something I still need to work on, I still ask "is that alright with you" over the phone like they have a choice but the reality is that they don't. I got to see and live the untold side of this story, the world is no where near as accommodating as it's made out to be and if you thought about it even just for a little while, you'd understand why, too bad not many people do, some things are just physically impossible, even for the people who are paid to do the things they're meant to do.

I got nothing but apologies from Steve and even though I tell him not to worry about, he insists that he's giving me a time when it's quite the opposite. I'm glad I got called in today, I don't know what I would've done if I were at home, nothing this productive I'm sure. I wish this routine, anti-social lifestyle never ends.

Best Day Of My Life (Just A Gent Remix) - American Authors

And the waltz goes on.

"You look like you had a shit day."

- 7/11 clerk, when I went to get a slurpee.

Ah, Sunday; another dreaded Sunday, the day where I most feel like a worthless piece of shit, I don't let it get to me though, the only reason I feel like that is because I just bum around til it's time to eat and then sleep on Sundays and that's not even something to feel bad about but knowing I could be doing something more productive when I'm not is a little disheartening. I used to be all about doing nothing, I remember I would put forth effort to not put in effort in every little thing in life, you know, when it was simpler but now, it's all about going here, doing that then going home, have a wank, get something to eat, have another wank and then go to sleep while slipping in a wank somewhere within that regimen, a real routine-like lifestyle. I didn't need to worry about that today though, today was Hoc's birthday barbecue held at Kiet's house for some reason.

Today made it clear as day (which is ironic because the day was not clear at all) that I don't like being around big groups of people, even if it is a group of people I'm familiar with. It felt the same at Tai's little LAN party the night before he moved out, despite how long it has been since I've last saw them, a part of me wanted to go home, which shouldn't happen at all when you're with your mates. I spent the majority of the event cooking and by the time I was done, there was no food left so that didn't help. In all honesty, I sat down and waited for Leon to move his car so I could go home. It's sad, really. I think KT is starting to see things from my point of view as well. Shit is just crumbling in our eyes.

I hope I'm just over-thinking things, it'd be cool to go back to looking forward to events like today. I think it's just the fact that everyone is so occupied with their own thing that they don't leave much time for their high school circle which is completely understandable if they didn't brag about how they will never break apart or some shit like that. How they can say and mean such groundless statements is beyond me. Ugh, this cynicism is unbecoming of me.

Dante came across some weed so we got high, went to get something to eat and here I am. My weed tolerance shot down to the point where it would take me like, half a joint to start laughing at the dent on my fridge, which is dope seeing as though people would feel inclined to punch my in my face since they felt as though as if they were wasting their share of week by giving it to me but they still did it because they're morons.

And The Waltz Goes On - Anthony Hopkins (Hannibal Lector)

Imaginationland.

"Let's go, Kevin, we got shit to do."

- Stevie Reynolds.

Pretty cruisy day as far as I was concerned. 6am starts never felt so enjoyable before this job, I think it mainly has to do with the people. I don't work to make friends, I work to work and the people here can respect that, they might not agree but they respect it, whether I like it or not, we're "one big, happy family" as the boss would like to put it and because he's the boss, this notion he's conjured up for us is now our reality, it will have to be as long as we want a job :L I guess it's not all that bad, my little "group" of friends is slowly breaking apart, it's like a bad movie plot line that you could see coming from miles away if you just looked at it from a different angle and if it's not breaking apart, it is for me.

Dante took Betty from me the moment I got home so he could attend a wedding of some sort, that nigga drained Betty of all his fuel (still can't get over that my car is a dude) so even if I do get it back by tonight, the farthest I could go is like, down to the driving range to smack a few balls, you know, thinking about it now, that isn't such a bad idea, goddamn you, hindsight. I spent my afternoon catching up on my sleep. This spontaneous job is fun and all but knowing you might be called in to do a 8 to 10 hour shift at any moment is a little unhinging so sleeping IS LIKE DA BESSSSSSSS, SO UNDERRATED, I WAS A COMPLETE GOAT-FUCKER TO HAVE DISLIKED SLEEP WHEN I WAS YOUNGER. OH GOD, FUCK YOU, HINDSIGHT.

Tomorrow is Hoc's thingy so that should be fun-ish. Not gonna lie though, there's something not right about that group now, wish I could pin-point why I feel so uneasy about those guys, guess I'll find out tomorrow.

Imaginationland - Rabbit Killer

Random acts.

"Yeah, it's probably a good thing you don't drive."
- Troy Reynolds/God

Did the morning run with God today, that dude hit a coke truck, seems like he hits everything when I'm with him. He prided himself because it was his first significant accident in 2 and a half years but because of this, he had a smoke, his first one in 5 months. The stress must've really gotten to him for him to break a record like that so naturally.

Got home and headed straight to the gym, I wanted to run, I wanted to run and never stop. It's so hard to lose weight whilst working and then coming home to Dante and Dante's girlfriend who would always go out for junk food, it's almost impossible to say no to something so delicious so the only thing I can do now is run in hopes that I somehow manage to burn off more than I'm putting on. To be honest, I'm only delaying the inevitable but I have the feeling that if I keep this up, someone or something will present itself, a stroke of luck will hit me, if you will. It always seems to work that way, been like that for as long as I remember. My life has been a little too easy because of it, as much as I don't want to admit it. Bumped into Thy and Vi and I don't know if it's because of my lack of socialism but I can't talk for shit now. My vocabulary and eloquence has gone to the shitter so now, every time I talk, I sound like Dante (which is shit, for those who don't already know) and that is not good, not good at all, I'd much rather talk like the cookie monster than to even resemble that dude in speech, ugh.

Found out Izzy is off to Vietnam so now, I might actually have a chance at getting to 65kg, this is getting exciting! Dante needs to be up 10kg and I need to be down 15kg, this will be the first time ever, that I will be lighter than Dante, finally, after all these years, I will finally get to call him fat with no conscience and it's gonna be awesome.

A&E (Random Acts) - Clean Bandit