"Oh my god, I feel so fat.... want some chocolate?"
- Dante Le, after eating a shit load of maccas.
I dropped a fucking couch on my big toe, not one of those pansy ass two seater ones, too, it was one of those fucking electrical recliner sofas that weigh like 200kg (that is no exaggeration, by the way) and now my toe looks like it's constantly got poop and period blood all over it. I swear on me mum, I don't think I've ever sat on the ground and cried inside as hard as I did today, it was like I was re-enacting that family guy episode where Peter was holding his knee for like, an entire minute. And while I'm on the subject of electrical recliners; why do they even exist? Have we really become such a lazy species that we now require buttons to lift up our feet WHILE we're sitting down? Hear me out here, they weigh half a city, needs to be next to a power point (that's one power point per electrical recliner) and take ages to extend to the maximum capacity and yet, there are still people who think "you know what our unit could use right now? a fucking electrical recliner lounge set, I'm just gonna give Harvey Norman a call and see if they can get that fat asian kid to lift something that weighs just about as much as my mum up several flights of stairs and then complain when he's done, oh how wonderful it feels to be an asshole." What ever happened to those old recliners? the ones where all you had to do was pull a trigger and it'd shoot up like a horny, hung stallion in mating season? These things cost like a minimum of $7000 too, I just, man, I don't fucking even, mate.
It's like I got frostbite or something, no, more like half frostbite since I can still see blood, Sweet Mary, Jesus, Joseph, God. They asked me to come in tomorrow, too and I don't want to tell them "Yeah, I got a severe case of Bigfootgitus and thus, I'm gonna pass on the chance of rolling in moneyz and bitches" so no one knows I have an entire village living on my foot and no one is going to know, I'll make sure of that. I am going to have a pleasant day tomorrow and acquire dat currency. Pain is temporary, bitches are forever.
But yeah, other than that little mishap, it's been a pretty good day, got to go up to Sunshine Coast for the first time in about half a decade so that was nice. The view is insane there, I'm honestly amazed why there weren't many people just looking at the waves, I could've done that for hours on end. Guess they're just used to that lifestyle, I bet most of the people who spend their time there haven't even heard of Inala before.
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