Falling back.

"Hey, that's pretty good!"
- Wally, when I tried to communicate to him through my abo accent because I thought he could understand me better. Because he's abo. I don't think I've ever been so racist now that I think about it.

We got this new guy named Wally working with us. The whole time he's been here, I don't think I've heard a single good thing about this dude. From what I heard, he's weak, anto-social and constantly needs to be told what he needs to, basically a useless fuck and today, the boss paired me together with him. I looked at our run and to be honest, I was excited. We had 6 fridges, 2 of which were 800 liters plus, a bed that weighed about 120kg along with a whole bunch of other stuff. When we loaded that truck, Stevie would give me pointers on how to attack delivering all this stuff if you were alone because you pretty much were when you work with Wally. I don't think I've seen Stevie so concerned and concentrated and he prayed for my safety when we loaded all those fridges but I knew that if I could do this, then I'm capable of what many others are not and if that doesn't shoot your ego through the roof then I don't know what will.

It wasn't as bad as others said it was, maybe I just never notice how much of the work I am doing and just go on and do what needs to be done til the end of the day. That said though, I was a lot more alert than I was on days if I was working with say, Beau, Troy, Stevie, Bob, Brad, Josh, Pete, pretty much anyone else because of all the flak that's been said about him and because of my cautiousness, I too my time which didn't let me go home til 7pm. I feel so disappointed, I know I could've done better even if I was with Wally but man, being the last one to get back to the warehouse when everyone else has already left and all that is waiting for you is the boss who wants to go home more than all of us put together. He assured me that I did a good job and that I'm a valuable asset to his business but it sure doesn't feel that way. 

There's a comfort in knowing that when it comes down to it, you can do more than what you thought you could. I went home a happy but disappointed boy.

Ugh, I need new music. I'm pretty sure the main reason why I've been skipping gym more often is because I've grown tired of listening to the same drops over and over again. Who knew that my music and the rate of that I go gym were directly dependent on each other ? Maybe it's time I use someone else's library instead of constantly struggling to perfect mine.

Falling Back - Cosmic Gate & Eric Lumiere