Warm me up.

"You.... you keep tomato sauce in your bag at all times?"
- Aaron Shaw

Well, yeah. I mean, fuck yeah I do. I shit you not, I can't even count the amount of occasions where some tomato sauce would've been more than welcome on our theoretical plate. Noticing this, I keep a large bottle of tomato sauce in my bag so that when ever we pop in a service station for a pie or some shit, I'm fucking ready. It's one of those things where people will criticise you but come around a moment later and quietly admit to themselves that it's actually a fantastic idea, only that they won't it to your face, but it's painfully obvious they're happy. Plus it's always good to see the sheer confusion on a person's face when you pull out a bottle of tomato sauce from a bag of unknown contents.

Been thinking a lot lately. I'm pretty sure when you start thinking about shit, the reason for that train of thought gets more and more vivid the longer you're left to your own devices until eventually the topic of thought doesn't even relate to what the reason of thought was, kinda like how you watch piano tutorials on YouTube and then somehow end up watching hours of people popping massive pimples on places where pimples aren't commonly found; gagging in front of the screen, hating yourself for watching and hating yourself more so for not being capable of stopping. I end up doing that like, twice a week. It's pretty gross.

Warm Me Up - LeMarquis

One in a million.

"You need to grow up."

- Mumsies Le

Massive smack in the fact tonight. Parents are amazing, man. When they say shit, oh man, do they say some shit. It's mostly shit you had no idea about even though it's around like, all the time. Mumsie Le dropping knowledge like it was her last rep.

My day didn't consist of much. It was the usual "Hey, little asian" and "shut the fuck up, white boy(s)" went on a run with one of the guys, jumped over our randomly selected hurdle which came in the form in that of a cunty customer, ate some soft served ice cream and went home. It's almost a joke to call it "work" when you list the pros and cons :L

What stuck wasn't what happened throughout the day but what happened at night, you know, that time of day when I'm knackered from work, gym, talking and pretending to give a crap about people's problems because I'm paid to (which in hindsight; is really just work) I had a little chat to Mumsies after dinner and after my little uproar to her boss about his shitty parking and my rant about how you should always make way for people/cars to come and go even when you don't think there'll be company, she told me that even though she understands my point of view, my point of view is wrong. It wasn't what she said, it was how she said it. It's almost a weekly tradition to discover your faults as a human being but being told with such conviction and confidence was a whole other level of surrealism. She basically told me that my thoughtlessness isn't right and that I should change that part of me if I want the best of everything I can get my hands on. I've never been one for sudden change of character, if anyone else had told me this, I would've told them to go fuck themselves but this is your mother, man.

It ended up being a vent of frustration, not even pent up frustration, just anything that would set me off, shit like the lack of morals in people, girls, boys, dumbasses, liars; things that would set anyone off, really but I've yet to come to terms with that sort of stuff, and from what I learnt today, most people already have, I think that's why I need to grow up.

One In A Million (Paris Blohm Remix) - Andrew Rayel & Jonathan Mendelsohn

One In A Million - Andrew Rayel & Jonathan Mendelsohn

Love come undone.

"I'm leaving soon."
- Troy Reynolds.

Ain't that a bitch? One of the first guys who taught me how to do my job is leaving after a good 3 years of working here. I'm saddened that my timing could not be any worse. We never really bonded aside from the occasional joke but there's something there, it's like an appreciation you wouldn't want to go away any time soon but it'll leave in a month or so. A month isn't even that long when you consider how monotonous a lifestyle can be, especially when it's almost a mission to avoid stress and drama.

I think people have stopped trying, well, they've stopped trying when it comes to people who they're not all that fond of. I hope to not lose any of the bonds I currently have. It's way too easy to disregard the happiness when something unfortunate happens and when it does, there's this illusion that makes you think company isn't welcomed, even when you've never even thought about making sure. I find myself frequently amazed at how easy it is to get what you want, I find myself frequently amazed at how often people ask themselves  "what if"  when what they want, isn't what they get. It's almost like a really bad but compelling sitcom that doesn't quite make it up the charts but high enough that the minority would recognise. I think I'm gonna keep trying.

Love Come Undone - Julia Wu

Satellite.

"Why is there a bible in your room?"

- Dante Le. A fair question.

It wasn't always a bible, it was a biology textbook at one stage, of course, that was a very, very long time ago.

I used to work in retail at Skylark Street, "under-the-table work" if you will; and in that time, I met with a lot of people, people whom I saw on a weekly basis, the same people who would learn my name and I; their's. It didn't last long, a year and a half but in that time, I crossed paths with a nun, she was a very old nun who religiously spouted very nun-like things every time I saw her and each meeting would accompany less and less conversation, mainly because what I did was a job and not an excuse to socialise and I didn't want to deal with her shit any longer than I had to but she interpreted my behaviour as a result of a sort of crisis I was dealing with in my life. The next time I was blessed with her presence, she handed me a bible and gave me a hug, telling me that I was in her prayers for the rest of her life. I can't imagine how she would feel if I told her she's wasting her time so I didn't, I kept the thing and thanked her as she left. I still keep it to this day.

I can't bring myself to throw away a bible and it's hard to believe that I'm the only one, I can't bring myself to throw away anything that was given to me but there's really no place for a bible in my house hold so I kinda just place it underneath my subwoofer to dampen the rattling it makes on my desk. You know, I'm pretty sure I've already told this story on this blog before but not in as much detail. There's gonna be a lot of that I imagine, a lot of similar posts about the same shit on different days and I won't make an effort to change that because fuck going through everything I've already written to see if it's going to be the same as what I'm writing.

Hahaha, I can appreciate that though, appreciate the extra mile people go through because of religion, reminds me of Una :L but I'm sure I'll go through that another time, shit, I've probably already made a post about it before.

Satallite - Tritonal & Jonathan Mendelsohn

Purple skies.

"If I didn't have so much shit to do, I'd totally sleep right here and now."

- Kiet Nguyen, on my bed.

Got into the habit of waking up early despite it being a day off. I don't know, there's something about drinking coffee early morning when you don't have shit all to do that tickles me inside. It might have to do with the idea that waking up early would mean having more time to do nothing and that shit is the bomb.

Looked outside my window and saw Kiet's majestic face staring back at me, he mentioned something about something being cancelled and thus, his appearance but I didn't really care for that sort of shit, he came in and laid on my bed and kinda did what I picture him doing at home when no one is around (which surprisingly doesn't involve him touching himself, I've known this nigga for over a decade and I still have no evidence to prove that this dude is even human) We talked about whatever came up (which wasn't much) and kinda bummed around each other, it was pretty nice, reminds me of how I spend my days with Hoa if we ever happened to be at the same place, at the same time.

He left and so, I was left with the task of finding someone to bum with. I hit up Squishy and picked her up for coffee, it's amazing how people can just go along with some random impulses without so much as a second thought. Did a little shopping afterwards and then we inevitably made our way to Denne's house. I was there not too long ago but things are different when there are actual people in the house. I got to meet their new cat and get thrown down memory lane that was Denne's room. There's a lot I can say about his room but I think I'll leave that for another day but I will end this paragraph by saying Denne's room is shit and when you go there, prepared to be disappointed. Hahaha, I really don't give any fucks when it comes to my portraying my thoughts.

My weekly social activity ended with coital insinuation (more like a suggestion, really) which queued my leave. It's rare when there's a clear indication of when you should take your leave and to be honest, I much prefer that than the whole "maybe he'll get it if I stall a little" or "I don't want to be rude but I really want this motherfucker to get the fuck out" look that could mean so many other things.

Purple Skies - No Limits

Alpha and omega.

"Here ya go!"

-Stevie Reynolds, as he gave me his earphones, shit made me tear up a little.

Oh god, I can't remember the last time I felt as touched as I did today. I was noticeably a lot more depressed ever since my earphones broke and anyone with eyes could tell. I'm like an open picture book with no words when it comes to my emotional state, it's too much effort to put up a front so I don't do that because it looks tiring and to be honest, it amazes me as to why anyone else does it.

Hopped on the truck with Stevie, I expressed my feelings concerning my current situation and the nigga handed me his earphones saying I could keep it. If I had to guess what reciprocal love felt like, this would be it. Butterflies to the days.

I'm not the kind of dude that will go out and get what I need, I kinda just wait around until I stumble upon it for free, it's happened my entire life and it happened again today. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that I'm one lucky motherfucker.

Alpha & Omega - Sam Laxton

Am I wrong.

 

"Oi, check out my WindRunner score! MUAHAHAHAH"
- Dante Le, A genuinely proud Dante Le at that.

Been playing so much WindRunner, like, a lot of WindRunner, like, after I use all my lives, I actually wait and look at the timer go down til my next life and then I play one and wait again and this would go on for hours. It's such a stupid game, too but I'm so compelled to it. It's probably because it reminds me so much of MapleStory that I'm just drawn to it to a aesthetic level.

My earphones broke, too, so that sucks. I can already tell that this whole week is going to suck massive, hairy man-tits.

Am I Wrong (Gryffin Remix) - Nica & Vinz

What I need this time.

"... I'm going to start a car detailing business."
- Dante Le, like, out of fucking no where.

Listening to a lot of rap lately. Guess that's just what long drives do to you. I put my iPod on shuffle and listened to everything that came on for the next 5 hours. From old piano music to hip hop to electro, everything flooded back and before I knew it, I was rapping in the truck next to a 50 year old, bald dude who was dancing his heart out to the lyrics I was spitting. I love Pete :L that guy should be a national treasure.

I was asked to go eat out with this chick today. That chick has a boyfriend, don't get me wrong, I'm all for spending time with people but the rules change a bit when you or them have a partner, at least, that's how I see it. I think I might just be too cautious, I never really understood the ground rules when it came to people and relationships, I still don't but I suppose it's normal to feel the need to be reserved when you're with someone who might not appreciate the way you naturally behave in public. I've always hated thinking about how people felt, it's very uncharacteristic of me but I suppose it's just because I care to some extent, there's always way too many things to keep in mind when dealing with the opposite sex, especially when they've found themselves a keeper and that keeper isn't you. Ehhh, guess it's not going to happen, not tonight anyway.

What I Need This Time (Electric Joy Ride Remix) - Moiez & Alina Renae

Summer of love.

"You got a very, very long way to go."
- Mumsies Le, on dat deep shit.

Found out I got huge anger issues, like massive anger issues, at least, that's what Mumsie's tells me and I always make the mistake of not trusting her enough. It's been like that for years; she'd tell me to be careful or not to do something and I'd completely ignore her advice only to get my pee-hole raped by a million toothpicks. So, whenever she says something with a serious kind of malice, I really consider it and when she told me I'm a ignorant and angry little man, I believed her. I went off at her boss because of how inconsiderate he is and speaking my mind didn't lead me where I wanted to be.

I had a long discussion about who I was as a person and how similar we were and weren't. It's sad to be the most responsible and yet, the most emotionally underdeveloped person in the family, it really says something about the people I grew up around. Tears welled up in my eyes from the frustration and the sudden knowledge that I'm not as calm, aloof and collected as I thought I was and knowing I was frustrated further proved how wrong I was.

I like to think I can handle whatever is thrown at me but to go off at people just because they can't comprehend common courtesy doesn't float in Mumsie's book and by obligation, I should know that book inside and out and I don't think I've even gone as far as read the blurb on the back of the thing. I'm glad that's the only book I'm going to abide by, I can't imagine how much maturing it would take to please everyone.

Summer Of Love - Myon, Shane 54 & Kyler England

Miracles.

"Don't yell at me, I'm a bum now, remember?"
- Dante Le. He's milking the fuck out of his position at the moment.

Turns out, Dante was suspended for three days but because he only works on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday and his suspension started on Monday, the poor bastard didn't really get and extra time off but the way things are looking right now, I really doubt that'll take him back, I mean, he fucked up hard, I can only wish I was there to see his face when he realized he was out of a job while he was a work.

Dude, my iPod was out of batteries, and I was picked to do the coast run, dealing with Aspley and Maroochydore. It was an hour and a half to our first drop which means it would take that long to get home from our last drop, with 9 deliveries in between, I could already tell it was going to be a big day but nothing could've prepared me for the immense boredom that awaited me in that truck.

With music, I could go on endlessly despite having nothing to do but with no iPod and radio playing the whole way, I felt like I was about to wither away so I stuck my head out of the window and listened to everything else. I had a lot of time to myself today, was very alone with my thoughts, it's something I discovered that's very dangerous for me. I started to think and find out things I never wanted to know, specific things, like my love life (or lack thereof) and my preferences when it came to finding a significant other, all of which were things I never thought about because it wasn't worth the time. I found out a lot of other things, too, like how much I can't tolerate dumbasses and how rude and naive I really am. It's a lot to take in at once but at least there's a comfort in having a better understanding of your social limits. It's going to be difficult to make friends from this point on.

Miracles - Andrew Rayel & Christian Burns

Happy little pill.

"You guys haven't changed at all."

- Tiffany Dinh, while watching Dante and I pick out car fresheners in the reject shop.

Dante got sent home today :L the dumbass raced one of his friends on a warehouse picker and crashed into the racks pretty badly so now there's a pretty high chance the dude is out of a job. As sad as that is, I don't think I've laughed harder at anything in my life, ever.

I had nothing to do really, I went to Mumsie's house to pick up Betty's registration sticker and as I went back home wondering where was the best place to put this purple sticker of road permission, Dante came home with the biggest grin on his face. He told me what happened and proceeded to make light of the fact that his main source of income is practically demolished without any chances of coming back. I could never understand that dude, I like to think he's like me and he might be, I don't understand myself that well either but I don't think many people would come back with a smile from their last trip home from work but hey, I could be wrong.

Tiffany actually showed up, it shouldn't come across as a surprise since she said she would but I formed a habit of doubting everything anyone says even if they promised. It's a terrible thing to do but it works well. The three of us went out to eat and do a little shopping; chilling, basically and I swear to god, that chick hasn't changed a bit. It honestly felt like I was just with her during one of our school lunch breaks yesterday. There wasn't much to say despite not conversing for so long and it was kinda nice, reminded me of the good old days where responsibility wasn't even in my vocabulary.

We had coffee, talked about god knows what and went to our respective homes. I love my days off, this catching up with randoms thing is dope.

Happy, Little Pill - Troye Sivan

Moody echos.

"Tomorrow or Friday ?"

- Tiffany Dinh

"Ooooohhhh nigga, tomorrow is mah shit right dere."

- Kevin Le.

I love Sundays, I love waking up in the morning and hitting the gym when no one else is there. I love having a coffee afterwards and then sitting just outside of the coffeeshop, watching the people that go by as you listen to some new songs you downloaded the night before. And I also love how it opens me up to a bunch of shit I could do that I wouldn't do any other time because of time restraints and I also love how by the time I'm done with all that, I could go home and still make it back in time for lunch. As much as I love sleep, there was also that slight feeling of regret whenever I woke up at around mid-afternoon, feels like I wasted a completely perfect day, days that don't come by as often as they used to and so I'm trying to make it a habit to wake up before 8 even on my days off. Just feels like I could get at least something done without having the need to shoot myself in the genitals for being a complete waste of space.

I hit up Tiffany in hopes she would be my bum of the week, unfortunately she was busy but said she could drop by tomorrow afternoon which put a smile of my face, made me anxious even. The last time I saw her was at Hannah's birthday celebration October last year and things have changed since then, I wanted to tell her about all the shit I've been up to. She was like that childhood friend that you'd tell every minute thing to because that's all you've known your entire life but then I thought that it might not even be all that great, it might just be all those things you felt back at the time where your relationship hit a plateau and you're just fooling yourself in thinking that things could be back to the way they were. I thought about this and then I got a headache and that's pretty much where my train of thought had ended. A lot has changed though, I feel like that wouldn't be the case if we had still kept in touch but the fact that we didn't was what really made me believe that things have changed and will keep on changing. Can't say I love it but I also can't say that I'm a big fan of it either.

Moody Echos - Rhodz

Release you.

"You're right, Kevin. We're no family."
- Tony.

The working environment is full of lies that they know you'll figure out but hope you don't, well, mine is. I think the only reason people get miserable there is because of the things they're told that don't happen and the only reason they smile there is because of the unique combination of personalities. Some are incredibly easy to communicate with while others prefer silence, some are like an open book while some are easily misunderstood but no matter who you are or what you're like, no one can appreciate a liar, it's just when that liar is your main source of income is when you got to rise above your personal preferences but there are things you'd avoid when given the chance, even when you're on someone else's time.

Every time I work with someone, they don't want to answer the work phone that's given to each team and this struck me as a strange kind of "odd" How can you possible call any conglomerate of individuals a "family" when they don't even want to talk to the person who's responsible of the members of the first place ? but they still insist that that's what we are.

It's only at the end of the day that they start to accept how much of a family they're not but that's only because they're too tired to think differently. I'm starting to think that it's all an illusion they've built for themselves so that it gives a motive to work as hard as we do but in all honesty, it might just be easier to be upfront about everything, seems like a total waste of effort forcing things your way under the guise of "family" but I suppose this will sort itself out sometime in the near future. I can already see things falling apart and when it does, it's gonna be hilarious.

Release You - Tom Misch & Carmody

How you love me.

"What the fucking fuck happened to you?"
- Kevin Le. It was to a girl whom I had not seen in a long time.

It's rare to come home so early that by the time you get home, the sun is still up and birds and shit are still chirping. I took this time to go visit Mumsies at Skylark, nothing exciting happens there on the regular, every-so-often, you'd get your minimal amount of petty crime or a large crime, just in a small dose, like extreme racism or theft but at this point, I think chasing down bogans has become some sort of second nature to anyone who has spent even an hour in Skylark Street but holy shit, I digress.

I got to look after the counter while everyone else had stock matters to attend to. I got to serve this dude dressed in black and covered in piercings, it wasn't him who caught my eye, it was the girl who was with him that stole my attention. I'm pretty sure I mentioned her in my blog before. She was this sweet, adorable half-cast girl who would often hug me in the later years of high school, she went everywhere with her African friend who was as cute and adorable but when I saw her today, she was every way alike as her male companion and before I even scanned any of their items, the first thing to leave my mouth was "What the fucking fuck happened to you?" I never got an answer, she stood there, waiting for me to serve the person she was with and then scurried off the moment I was done.

I stood there baffled for countless moments. I asked Mumsies if she knew anything and apparently, that girl is easily influenced. I just can't believe how drastically she changed in the short amount of time I had not seen her. Everything from her appearance to her personality did a complete 180 degree turn and it confused me. I don't think I'm disappointed or anything, it's just amazing how fast this happened. I should get used to this kind of thing though, shouldn't I ? It's sad to say but I'm starting to wish I never saw her the way I did today, that high school image of her isn't going to leave my mind any time soon. It wasn't one of those light, pat hugs either, it was one of those lengthy, whole-hearted hugs you'd get from a relative you had not seen in years hug, sometimes, those hugs would make my day.

How You Love Me (Arston Remix) - 3LAU & Bright Lights

Boom clap.

"We're not a fucking family. Stop pretending we are. Families don't do this shit."

- Kevin Le

"I'm interested to know what you mean by that but we got work to do. Tell me later."

- Tony. I love it when priorities are in the right order.

I think I've become a little bit more expressive as of late but I'm starting to think that I'm only like that because I care, well, to some extent. I wouldn't have made an input if I were dealing with strangers so that leads me to think that there's some sort of spot in me for the people I work with, or for anyone I bother with in fact or am I only like that because it's important for an asshole to know that he (or she) is an asshole and I'm only telling them because I'm not sure anyone else already has. Maybe it's a little bit of both.

I got to spend a little time with Vi and Thy at the gym today. I was done and so were they and I kinda say down and threw topics about. We talked about gym, love, what we've been up to and all those other generic conversations you would have with people you've seen around and never really conversed with. I don't think I've ever held a discussion with either of those girls and talking now isn't normal but it doesn't feel strange. Hahaha, I remember how they got so offended when I told them we were never close and never spoke in high school. It was the truth but the way they reacted was as if we talked on the phone every night at one stage. But I noticed that it's a very female thing to do, you know, make relationships seem more than what they really are, it's something I find irritating, that probably explains why I have very few female friends that I wouldn't like to lose.

Boom, Clap - Charli XCX

Boom, Clap (Hannah Emerson Cover) - Charli XCX

Suncatcher.

"You ready?"

- Kevin Le

"I'm never ready."

- Stevie Reynolds. I ask out of habit and it's the same response every time.

Today was dope, man. Work was work but it was what I got to listen to at work that made my day. I was told the CD players don't work in some of the trucks but I took a few CDs from Betty on a whim and shazzam; we were listening to hip hop and doof doof for the next 7 hours and it was mad. Asshole-customers didn't even phase me because I knew they were only mad because they didn't get to listen to Elephante and J.Cole in the same truck ride like I did and it's not like me to tease someone of their misfortunes so I sat there and took it all with a grin on my face. Poor bastards.

I feel so much more motivated to gym ever since my little workshop with Kingsley. Been feeling some improvements following his advice. My bar bench has increased from 70 to 100 in a few days just because I tweaked my form a little bit and now my chest is bigger than ever and it's only going to go up from here. It's amazing what a few hours with someone who knows what they're doing can do to you, I think that just because it's someone you don't see much or know very well, makes it that much more believable and it's just the push you need to keep going.

Doing what I do for a living has it's perks. Got hit up by a mate to see if I could do anything for her family in regards to moving some of their shit around and just saying "holy shit, I can actually do something about that." makes me feel all warm and giddy inside. Ah, the perks of having access to trucks and shit is pretty damn cool. I've said it before in one of my previous posts, but it's nice to lend a hand when I can.

Suncatcher - Mario Ayuda & Tiff Lacey

I wanna dance with somebody.

"Goddamnit. This is gonna suck so much genitals."

- Kevin Le

I've never had really big hurdles in my life from year 11 onwards. I was kinda hoping my luck streak would never end but coming home to a letter in the mailbox saying that mumsies' got into a queue for surgery shat all over that dream. It's wonderful that she even got in but just knowing that there's a chance the surgery will fail and she might kick the bucket doesn't sit very well with me, I can't imagine that it will sit very well with anyone. There're a lot of 20 year olds that have lost their family, I was just hoping that I wouldn't have to be one of them. I like think I'm steeled myself for shit like this but there's no way I'll still be intact if anything happened. I can't even pray because that doesn't do anything. There are very little things that are worse than feeling helpless.

It's times like this, that I'm glad I started a blog. There might be so many things I can express through text but not through speech and I'm very interested to see what will come from these fingers in the future. Maybe I'll get to visually see my growth and find my flaws as a human being on this thing.

I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Julia Wu Cover) - Whitney Houston

Only love can hurt like this.

"Leave your ego at the door."
- Kingsley Shabay

Woke up and headed to ifeelgood gym in Oxley, you know, the one across the road from the train station? I made small talk with the personal trainers there whilst waiting for Kingsley to rock up, they said all sorts of shit to make me join but being as blunt as I am, I pretty much told them to fuck off and that I'm waiting for a mate. I don't think they like me :L

We focused on shoulders and traps today. I didn't gym for the last 3 days so that my body would be at it's top condition to endure what training Kingsley had to offer. He's a lot like me when it comes to the method of physical improvement, I haven't found anyone else who focuses on form as much as I do since Dante. I learnt a lot, like, heaps. He was throwing out all these technical terms and giving me tips on a minutely basis. I learnt how to be more stricter on my form and a few new exercises I can implement in my own personal training routines but the most important thing I learnt from Kingsley (or from anyone else who taught me fitness) was to leave my ego at the door when I walk in. It's a very simple piece of advice but it goes a long way. I think what he meant was that I should stay in my lane and not do anything just because I can, but do what you're comfortable with instead of what you struggle with. I kinda knew all of that already but to have it refreshed in you head by someone who physically looks so convincing is something I think everyone needs. I drove him home after a 2 hour session and said our farewells. Might not see the dude again for a few years, I'll be he can be proud of what I am when we do see each other again. 

I'm so glad I asked him if I could join him in one of his sessions, even if it was on a whim. There's a certain threshold of socialism that I need to reach every week. It wasn't important, but now I think it's hard to go on without it. It feels like a massive waste when you look at the clock late-evening on your day off and realized you could've done something or done nothing with someone, knowing that that person you've chosen to do something/nothing with is still okay and that that's not going to change anytime soon.

Only Love Can Hurt Like This - Paloma Faith

Nothin on my mind.

"Eenie, menie, miney, moe. Kingsley, aye?"
- Kevin Le, early morning.

When I started this "weekly bum" thing, I thought it wasn't going to last long because there are a very limited amount of people who I can willingly chill with but then I realized it doesn't have to be that way. There actually were quite a bit of people who I were on good terms with and if I could easily keep this up for a year or two. It's a shame that it took me a good month or two to come to this conclusion.

I opened up my Facebook friends list, closed my eyes and clicked. I landed on an old friend by the name of Kingsley Shabay. He kinda blew up after high school, which is something I can appreciate more than others. I'm always hesitant when to comes to talking to people I don't usually talk to (seems to be most people these days) but hey, if you don't ask, you'll never receive so, just a shot in the dark, I prompted a conversation with him and now, we're meeting up tomorrow to catch up over a gym session in Oxley. It amazes me how easy it is to get what you want, it amazes me even more when I see people who don't even attempt to go for the things they crave, it frustrates me more like.

I did what I always do on my day off. Drove to Inala to get something to eat early afternoon and who should I run into then David Nguyen. He had just came back from Sydney the day before and I took this chance to kick it with him a little. That "little" turned into quite a lot. I ended up driving him to his house where I chilled in his room. He told me the phoneshop he owned is closing for good and right there, ended a chapter of my life. So much of my high school hours were spent in that shop and knowing that it's gone now has left a small hole in my soul somewhere but I suppose this is something I should get used to. Not everything stays the same, and if it does, it doesn't for long. It was good to see him again though. He was one of the few I genuinely didn't mind hanging around but that was probably just because we rarely hung out and liked it that way.

Nothin On My Mind (Bearson Remix) - astronomyy 

Something right.

"I can see why you love him so much."

- Chelsea; Stevie's fiancée

Spent the day third-wheeling Stevie and Chelsea, or, if you look at it my way, I spent the day being third-wheeled by Chelsea, whatever works. I didn't know you could just bring someone along to a run if you felt like it, it's either that or someone has robbed Stevie of his last fuck because I've yet to see him give one out.

Got to officially meet and greet Chelsea after hearing so much about her. I've heard a lot about her but nothing has really stuck so seeing this mystical person face-to-face has given me the opportunity to understand these people more. Of course, if I had the choice, I probably would've never given them the chance but things are different when you're in the truck. It doesn't hurt to know more about your co-workers but most things are better left the way they are. I got to know Stevie's weaknesses, his priorities and his life at home. I basically got exposed to a side of Stevie I didn't even know existed.

I think my social skills have gone to the shitter :L the lack of social activity I get is started to affect my speech. My vocabulary is a lot more limited than what I remember and now no one knows if I'm pretending to be retarded or if I actually am retarded and to be honest, I don't blame them. I'm even starting to stutter :S wonder if there's something I can do about that.

 Something Right (Elephante Remix) - Lincoln Jesser

The light.

"I might have a thing for Aubrey Plaza."
- Kevin Le. Honestly, I don't know why everyone doesn't have a thing for her.

Pete's cool, even if the thing he said yesterday kinda left a really strong impression. I think about it a lot actually. It's weird enough to be getting along with someone who's more than twice my age but when shit gets real; it gets really real. It was the same as any other day I have with him. It amazes me how he can switch from one mode to the next so fluidly, it's almost a little scary. I can't even imagine the kinda of shit he would've experienced and yet he's here, lifting fridges n' shit with me to random ass places around Queensland, sometimes, further.

It's the same thing, man. Sometimes, it's the same conversations. I go home, shower, head to the gym and shower again, go to Mumsies' and have dinner at her house. As much as I dislike routine, there's something about family that makes you want to keep things the way they are. Maybe keeping them the way they are isn't the right way to put it. It makes you strive to make things better would probably be more correct. It's really the only thing you can fall on: family. It won't last long, but this thing is going to be savoured until the flavour is gone and when it goes; just like the food in your mouth, it's going to be the saddest thing when it's no longer there. I've got to prepare myself, when things are this good for this long, it usually means something terrible is about to happen. At my age, it could be anything.

 The Light - Disco Fries & Niko The Kid

Ill mind of Hopsin 7.

"I was engaged once. I asked the woman of my dreams to marry me, and then my grandfather passed away. I wasn't mature enough to deal with his death, I fell into alcoholism and drug abuse and then she left me, I didn't even care. I think I never really got to grow up and out of that experience being  only 20, I also think that's why you and I get along so well."

- Pete. Holy shit.

Not quite my idea of a good morning start. That quote was a lot to take in, especially when you're not quite sure it was the end of the world due to everyone hobbling and limping around like they're looking for their lost right leg in the early hours of the morning. I knew Pete wasn't like other 50 year olds but I never would've thought it was due to a experience like that. Death can really fuck a person up. It was jaw-dropping to just hear that and then watch him carry on as if he didn't just say something that could cripple the morale of a Chinese army. I felt like an asshole since the only things I could muster out of my mouth was "... That actually explains a lot."

That thought occupied my mind throughout the entire day. Just the sheer morality of it stunned my thoughts and made me think about things I would've never thought about. Shit like if I was prepared to lose someone dear to me, or if I could be calm and collected had I been in a similar situation. I like to think I can deal with that, that I can keep my composure and strengthen my priorities had the time called for it but I'm not so sure any more. There're are too many strong people who fell when there was too much to shoulder and it's too ignorant for me to think that I'm not like anyone else, even for me. I guess I'll just have to find out when it happens, it might be soon with the way things are looking right now. The last thing my family needs is a mental breakdown.

Ill Mind Of Hopsin 7 - Hopsin

Ill mind of Hopsin 5.

"Hey guys."
- Damon Strang, in the soft, fragile voice he always greets people with. I honestsly thought I would never hear those words utter from his mouth ever again.

Woke up, went to work, did things at places, a lot of places, a lot of things and a lot of bullshit but it wouldn't be a work day without it. Went home unusually early and got home to a Facebook message from Jack, asking how was I doing. I like to think my presence has faded quite a bit since high school so even having people ask how I was doing felt good, felt warm and that's kinda what you need in this insanely cold weather.

There wasn't much to do on my end other than gym but even that needs to have a rest. I took this time to take Jack out and shouted him Subway since it didn't seem like he had much to do either. I fueled Betty up and then took him (or her, whatever you fancy) to the carwash. I intended to take Jack home afterwards but was then asked if I wanted to see Hogan and there was no way anyone could say "no" to that. We chilled and and caught up while I was making a list of songs for Jack's party.

A surprising amount of people rocked up. No one expected more than 3 people but there must've been around 14 white boys that arrived and did really white stuff, most of whom I recognized. Dean, Tom, Danny and even Damon; the dude who went to Canada and came back not too long ago. Very little time was spent asking questions about where who were and what they've become instead, I spent most of the night teaching Danny Maguire how to play 13 and to be honest, I probably would've enjoyed that more than having a conversation I won't remember.

Ill Mind Of Hopsin 5 - Hopsin

Electricity.

"I figured out why it's called an "MPS", it's turbo-charged and it sounds like "mmmmmpsss" when it drives by. I'm a fucking genius."

- Stevie Reynolds. Talking about the Mazda MPS

Stevie is the man when it comes to car knowledge. He can name every single car we pass when on the job and it frightens me a little. He doesn't talk about much but when it comes to cars, he's ever so gracious. I remember being told by Troy that if anyone gains Stevie's respect, that respect is well-earned. He spoke so highly of Stevie and I know as much as anyone else that it's hard to talk up family like that, especially if he's an older brother.

I never intend to get closer with my workmates. There's a threshold I like to keep an eye on but because I'm so used to being so open and have this strange, sick sense of humour, these things just happen. I got invited to play golf and to bum around with his family over the weekend but to keep this relationship at the level it is, I had to decline. I would drive all the way to Gatton to bum with the Reynold family but I just don't like putting myself too out there on the fear that I'll get closer than what I bargained for. There're very little things I dislike more than getting close to someone and then finding something I don't like about them when it's too late, not many things bother me but the things that do are usually things that they can't willingly change.

I hope I won't have to be in contact with any other social circle. I hate saying "no" to a nice gesture.

Electricity - Manganas Garden

Boogie pls.

"Hey, Kevin. You want like, a haircut?"

- Jeremy Phan. Like, out of no where.

I didn't have much planned today. I never have anything planned. I've done my weekly catch up, even if it was with my own brother but that just shows little contact I have with him, you know, despite being my brother. I just did what I always do to kill time. Woke up, went to Inala to search for food and go home where I nest in my own filth, at least, that was what was meant to happen.

Thanh dropped by. He mentioned something about being busy and having no time to gym. He used to be my gym partner, he was partially responsible for my drastic weight loss, his crazy ideas was what intrigued me to do something utterly insane, like running around the lake first thing in the morning before brushing my teeth and having 4-5 hour gym sessions every night, not going home until 1 in the morning, only to have 4 hours sleep and repeat that process again. Seeing him not being able to gym feels sad and disappointing but I suppose everyone has their reasons.

He left and came over again with a bunch of barber equipment and before I knew it. I was topless, in my room in front of my mirror getting haircut. How I treated my hair was something I never really cared about, and even now, I don't understand why people care about how their hair looked. As long as it grows back, I don't even care if I'm bald so my consent was given with little struggle. 

Hahaha, I think the last time I got my haircut at home was in high school. I don't remember how it happened but Thao and Saver were at my house one afternoon and with the soul intention of cutting eachother's hair. How much crack we were on to even come up with a day like that? It was fun though. I should hit those guys up one of these days.

Boogie Pls! - Rhodz

Holy water.

"Wanna go shopping?"
- Dante Le.

I can't remember the last time I went shopping. Mumsies' has been providing me with clothing and stuff up til now. I go out with a few people to go window shopping but I've never actually bought anything for myself. Maybe it's just the thought that one shoe is like 50 bucks and just being there takes a shit load of effort but having a day off is all about breaking away from that routine so I suppose it's not all that bad. I went to DFO today, bought trackpants and some joggers, yellow fuck those things. Only bought like 3 things and there goes $100. I don't know how people can do it so often. I think I'm good for the next decade, at least, that's what I thought. It's different when you have a little money. the urge to come back and get more shit you can do without is always there. I suppose I can start to understand a little about why people spend the amount they do but I can't help but wonder if people ever regret spending as much as they do, guess I'll ask.

Sundays have been pretty nice. First it was MyVy, then Tai, then Hong & Lynn, then Hoc, then Jeremy and now Dante. I should get a calender.

Holy Water - Speaker of the House

Soundtrack to my life.

"... You reckon we could do skids on the forklift?"

- Bob.

Picked up Bob from Tony's house and woke his ass up, he was mumbling something about me in his dream. I didn't even ask because I was too afraid to find out what I was even doing there. We had a little time to spare so we went for coffee and went on our way.

It was a pretty bullshit day. There were many complaints and mix-ups that Stevie and I weren't responsible for but had to deal with anyway but that comes with the territory, doesn't it ? I'm trying to cop shit without a word more and more these days and I must say, it's one of the hardest things I've had to do my entire life. There's always that massive part of me that just speaks my mind and even though I've been doing it for as long as I remember, I'm constantly reminded how rude it is. I'm not one for conformism but just thinking about how much easier social interaction will be is a reward in itself so I think I might just implement that trait when I'm selectively social, which is all the time.

I learnt how to drive a forklift in 5 minutes today. I tied Bob (who was sitting on an office chair) to a trolley and sprinted around the warehouse, that was really fun and I slept on time of a bunch of boxed tallboys that are being delivered tomorrow. I was asked to stay behind and keep Bob company while everyone else loaded and so I did just that. Tony comes back next week so I won't see Bob as often as I have been the last week or so. As sad as that is, I'm sure he'll pop by one of these days, that place can play a large part of a person's life, especially when it's the only place you've been working at since high school graduation. I hope this isn't one of those "dead-end jobs" I've heard about.

Soundtrack To My Life - Kid Cudi

Summer.

"Want a beer?"

- pub owner

"it's 10 in the morning."

- Kevin Le

"I know."

- pub owner.

Woke up earlier than usual to pick up Bob who was standing guard in Tony's house which is located in Forest Lake. Not far so it was convenient for everyone that I would be responsible for Bob's means of transportation. Things are so much easier to deal with when you're dealing it with one of the rare humans of the world, you know, a person who is not a complete asshole, well, I think it is.

We deliver alcohol now, whoda thunk it ? It's a shame that the places we have to deliver to are a minimum of 2 hours away from where we're stationed. I like lazy days as much as I hate them. I'd much rather be constantly on the move than have to sit in a truck for 2-3 hours to do one load and then sit in the same truck for another 2-3 hours for the trip back.

I get extremely tired when I'm inactive for too long. I never figured that out til now, it explains why I couldn't pay attention to any of my teachers in my schooling days and sheds some light on my opinions on others. Nothing dramatic, just on how boring they are.

I must've slept for a good 4 hours and I got paid for all of them. I feel bad for it. No one should be paying someone for not working. I've tried downing a litre of red bull and placing loose screws in my pocket so that when I move the wrong way, I get stabbed but it doesn't work. I managed to pass out next to four cans of red bull and a pocket full of screws whilst playing EDM at bull blast. I should probably tell Steve not to put me on coastal runs any more. I should probably invest in a butt plug, I'm pretty sure that would keep me awake, not too keen on the idea of getting my butt plugged though. This is the kind of shit I have to deal with, what kind of train of thought is that ?

Summer (COVER) - Filous & Kitty Gorgi

Stay with me.

"Careful, it's heavy, Kevy. HAHAHAHA wait, wait, I got a better one. Careful, it's weighty, matey. HAHAHA"
- Pete, this dude is fucking 50.

I learnt more about Pete today. He doesn't talk much about himself and I guess that's because I never asked but knowing something I don't have to know was just something I picked up along my high school life. I'm a very ignorant person but that doesn't mean I don't like to listen. I just choose what I listen to and I think it's the same with everyone else but when you know someone for a bit, the things they happen to say just stick to you and before you know it, you've gained this bond that's stronger than you bargained for. Of course, it's entirely up to you if you want to acknowledge this bond, it doesn't really bother either parties but just knowing that there's something there, or that there could be something there is good enough. I just hope that my lack of curiosity hasn't dampened this relationship I have with people. Things are just different at work.

I've been asked to take Bob home and pick him up to and from work, since it's a request from the boss and Bob is a pretty cool dude, it didn't take much for me to say "fuck it, why not?" Bob destroyed his shoulder and lost his license on the same day. I can't explain the pain I feel when I see someone as young as him, have such a life handicap overnight like that. Everyone says it's a waste and it is but saying it like that would hurt anyone. It's almost condescending.

It's makes me glad that there are people with less than what I have, be much happier than I am. I'm not saying my life is unfortunate, in fact, it's quite the opposite but knowing that people like Bob can still smile at the end of the day and be genuine about it, as if they've forgotten that handicap is a very valuable experience. I think I've matured a little more.

Stay With Me (Throttle Remix) - Sam Smith