"I was engaged once. I asked the woman of my dreams to marry me, and then my grandfather passed away. I wasn't mature enough to deal with his death, I fell into alcoholism and drug abuse and then she left me, I didn't even care. I think I never really got to grow up and out of that experience being only 20, I also think that's why you and I get along so well."
- Pete. Holy shit.
Not quite my idea of a good morning start. That quote was a lot to take in, especially when you're not quite sure it was the end of the world due to everyone hobbling and limping around like they're looking for their lost right leg in the early hours of the morning. I knew Pete wasn't like other 50 year olds but I never would've thought it was due to a experience like that. Death can really fuck a person up. It was jaw-dropping to just hear that and then watch him carry on as if he didn't just say something that could cripple the morale of a Chinese army. I felt like an asshole since the only things I could muster out of my mouth was "... That actually explains a lot."
That thought occupied my mind throughout the entire day. Just the sheer morality of it stunned my thoughts and made me think about things I would've never thought about. Shit like if I was prepared to lose someone dear to me, or if I could be calm and collected had I been in a similar situation. I like to think I can deal with that, that I can keep my composure and strengthen my priorities had the time called for it but I'm not so sure any more. There're are too many strong people who fell when there was too much to shoulder and it's too ignorant for me to think that I'm not like anyone else, even for me. I guess I'll just have to find out when it happens, it might be soon with the way things are looking right now. The last thing my family needs is a mental breakdown.
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